Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Heart Ache on Valentines

The fire rages here in Humphrey and my mind races.

We have hands-down had the worst, WORST illness-laden Winter in the history of the Joel Royalty family.

Two bouts with stomach flu,

Too many colds to count,

And recount per child.

And even one stint with the Caribbean carpet cleaners.

(That was after the second wave of “I’m-not-gonna-make-it-downstairs stomach virus.”)

And if you know me, I have NEVER had someone come clean my carpet so you have to imagine just how bad it was here.

Ok stop imagining, it is making me feel sick again….

And you know that the devil sets up his mine fields when your back is turned to spray yet another light switch with some horribly foul smelling toxic germ fighting can of something or other.

He works on your mind telling you that you, all eight of you, have some VERY RARE disease that in its LAST STAGES eats your stomach for breakfast.

Even though everyone you know has the same thing.

And in one of these occasions while I was spraying and my mind was wondering, the Lord placed His arm on my shoulder and whispered,

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses……”

I smiled.

“And some in germicides.” I added.

“But we will remember the name of the Lord our God.”

Alright Lord. I get it. You give life, you sustain life, you control everything.

I made peace with the germs.

Which to this post are still enjoying our home and noses and throats.

It’s all good.

And tonight my heart is racing.

You know how you get caught up in yourself, your own stresses?

Last night Joel was trying to show me “Orion’s Belt” pointing over our driveway and all I could think about was me.

I was in a “Who cares about his three -star belt, I want help with the dishes!”

He showed me and I smiled and nodded.

And then today some silly pain in my back has had me all up in arms.

How quickly I vacillate from faith to fear.

Shameful really.

And tonight while I was worrying about little ol’ me, news came of our dear friend’s sister.

She was disabled mentally when she was very young.

She lives in a group home.

And for 6 months now has been picked up everyday by a sweet bus driver and taken to a life skills center.

A bus driver who would carefully take off her hat and reposition her arm so as not to bump it getting her in and out of the bus.

She could not respond, only moan here and there.

And he cared for her.

And we didn’t know until tonight that out of nine busses in the area,

She rides my husband’s bus.

And she is the sister of a friend that means the world to me.

God put her on my husband’s bus because He wanted her to have my husband’s loving care.

And when we all in talking tonight found that out, put two and two together…

We didn’t just cry.

We wept.

Because God is that good.

So lovingly personal.

This sister has been struggling.

In and out of the hospital.

And tomorrow her parents must decide whether it is best for her to struggle or to begin the process of sending her to heaven.

Now let it be known that this is out of my friends hands. It is only in her power to pray and to give her parents sound Biblical advice.

I believe that life comes from God at conception and He carries each of us home.

In HIS time.

My sweet dear friend believes this too.

We left her house after praying sincerely for her and for her parents, and her sister.

And while in my nightly routine of preparing for bed I found my sore spot again and the Spirit moves and says,

“Again with your small pain?”


“And someone close by may not even comprehend that their choice to live, to breathe, to hear, to see, may be gone tomorrow?”

The pain in my back moved to a severe ache in my heart.

Tonight friends, my heart aches with my own selfish pride.

It is good, as Ecclesiastes tells us, to go into the house of mourning.

To mourn for your own spiritual condition.

It doesn’t matter that my life has been turned upside down in more ways than I can share.

It does not matter that I feel spent emotionally and physically.

It does not matter.

What matters is what I am doing with Christ in all of this.

What matters is what He is doing in me in all of this.

I am His child. Redeemed. Loved. My future is settled at the right hand of God the Father, Creator and Sustainer of ALL LIFE.

Why do I fear?

He has given me all things in Christ. He has even given me the “want” to please Him.

Why don’t I access that more?

A learning night for me friends.

Life is not about me.

It is about Him in me.

And He only doeth “Wonderous things”

How much I miss…..

1 comment:

  1. Amen, Mrs. Royalty. Your posts are always poignant and timely. I seem to share your vivid imagination when any kind or type of sickness invades our familial dwelling.