And I WANTED to.
It had been a while since we spent time just us, together.
But the day was just beginning and I was busy.
Yet I thought and thought and thought about that voice.
I said to myself, “Well he knows my heart.”
And yet I still thought and thought and felt just awful.
How could I just turn away from him?
The sun was bright on my face and it would have been the perfect time,
If it were not for ME complaining that it was not the right time for ME.
And then I thought, what if he stops asking?
What if he grows tired of me putting him off with a thousand “laters?”
Or “tomorrow, I promise,” or “how about we talk while I do the dishes or fold laundry?”
After all something is better than nothing, I reasoned, though I would never accept that kind of “quality time” from Joel in place of us being alone and spending time together.
But I would accept that with him.
Should I have told him I loved him when he asked me to spend time with him?
Would he have believed me by my actions and not just my words?
And I knew I had blown it, like eating brownies after the kids have gone to bed, blown it.
Because my flesh is weak. It has been allowed to feast without restraint. It is lazy and hence I am lazy.
And another little voice, this one different comes now and sweetly asks me if she can have breakfast.
Now, instead of getting out of bed when I was sweetly asked by my Lord, who wanted to spend the quiet of the day with just me alone, I roll out to feed my littles.
And I will feed them, but how much more could I feed them of that food that will last after yet another bowl of oatmeal has gone.
And I pour oatmeal and sigh, and begin another day, knowing I had missed out on something sweet.
Because I was lazy.
And I am not saying that if you miss your appointment with the Lord in the wee hours of the morning you are sinning.
I AM saying that when He calls and you put him off, you are missing it.
Missing what is really important.
More important than your sewing project, your one hour of good morning sleep, your book, or and early dinner.
I know that the Lord is grieved when we do not spend time with him, just you and him.
He IS jealous over us with a godly jealousy.
And I think of Joel eating out with his friends and how long it has been since we have gone anywhere alone.
Just us enjoying being together.
I miss him.
Do I miss the Lord?
Do I treat him like a friend who left us a message wanting to “catch up” and we put off that phone call, not because we do not like the friend, but there is JUST SO MUCH to do and SO MUCH catching up to do.
It is easier to just try to see if it will magically go away?
And I wash oatmeal bowls, and I make shopping lists,
And I am sorry.
And I say, “Lord, I am yours. I am your servant. You bought me. YOU lifted my feet out of the miry clay. YOU know my dowsitting my uprising, and you alone understand my thought afar off. Meet again with me today. I love you. I love you more than anything and more than anyone.”
And the sun hits my Bible just so on the chair in the living room and I know I need to get some of that “living water” and pile some littles on my lap….
Do you have a date with God friends?