Hello you lovely folks, you.
It is August already and I am enjoying some much needed quietness at the local library which has almost turned back the hands of the clock and stopped in years past, when men ran libraries with full suits on, card catalogs still gathered dust, and air conditioning rattled false ceiling.
And I am thinking about this wonderful life that has ebbed and flowed for us this Summer.
Abby got new glasses. Seeing her fiddle with them reminds me of 4th grade, and wishing for glasses and braces so I could fit in. I wish and pray for her to love however God alters her eyes, teeth, hair and height. Just love her and her scars from stitches from falling out of trees.
Just like I did when I was her age.
Lately the Lord has seen fit to bring me through a period of rest. I am back to testing for various and sundry things that make my heart skip, my energy just out of grasp, and my mind fuzzy.
I have been through this a few times and each time I am an emotional wreck.
Except for this time.
This time I am resting in Him who knows the end from the beginning. I am praying over appointments, over stressful situations, over dishes for strength and at bedtime for sleep.
God is more than enough for me.
For you too.
I am sitting next to the magazine section where various titles jump out at me regarding what was innocent turned cancer. I used to shy from even seeing the word. Who wouldn't?
But I am realizing that God is here with me.
He alone gives us the strength we need for each day. I am letting Him guide me with His eye.
Yesterday I was feeling particularly miserable in body and spirit and I decided to enjoy the kids.
Yes, I decided.
I picked beans with them, and as one son commented on how he needed to grab this weed he found from the root or it would only grow back, I had the great privilege to also remind him that the soil of our hearts can become filled with weeds that needed a good pulling.
From the root.
We sweat, pick and I take them to the porch where I sit and snap beans and watch them put on a play for me in the front yard. The cars look on as they pass by, some older folks, some young.
And for a second it hits me that they might see me snapping beans and the kids frolicking and want to stop a while and enjoy this wonderful life with me.
It has been a while since I have enjoyed children……… my children.
The workers at the bank, the store, the library, tell them how lovely they are.
Do I tell them too?
I laugh at the myriad of funny faces they are giving me. They interview each other with a paintbrush, asking one another what makes a good family.
Have I shown them?
Am I showing them?
Joel told me the other day that corn is one of the only plants that he knows of that doesn't droop when it needs water.
I look at him puzzled.
"It points up when it needs rain."
It felt like he, not even meaning to, saw into my heart in the midst of drought.
I turned so he wouldn't see the tear falling and whispered into the car window,
"It knows where it's help comes from."
The Lord Himself answered,
My mind just swirled.
The sparrow, the lily of the field,
All of them fret not, nor toil, nor spin.
Their heavenly father knows what they need.
He knows we need a good soft rain.
He knows I need a good soft rain.
And He reminds me to look up.
And so I begin to take my eyes off of the unknown and worrisome now, and look up.
We put the kids in a tent in the yard and roast marshmallows.
But I do.
And I eat and let the marshmallow kids kiss my cheek and we laugh as our daughter keeps losing hers to the fire and we just keep laughing until it is time to go to sleep.
We sit out by the fire and comfort son who keeps poking his nose out because of fear.
So much like me.
We answer the "What if's."
I think of God.
And how much more patient He is with me, than I am with my son, who is so like me.
We sit and decide to watch for falling stars.
Joel has seen so many in his life already.
He is accustomed to looking up.
I am not.
I have never seen one.
And then almost taking my breath away it happens.
It jets across the sky!
I am in awe.
This is commonplace to Joel.
This is life altering to me.
I thank God and clap my hands together. I think of Job, who in great affliction and trial hears God tell him of his greatness and all that He created, reminding him that He can be trusted again and again.
We map out the constellations and enjoy life. Together.
I look at my sweet husband, all loving and patient, look at my tent of kids and at a star filled night and my heart is full.
I will decide to stop looking for answers.
I will keep looking up.
Sweet Mid Summer's to you all!