Friday, October 24, 2008

The Bad News Blog Post

At long last the much anticipated bad news blog post is here! Ok.... SLIGHT exaggeration.....slight. After weeks of blog surfing I muse on one common thread..... Why does everyone want to appear to have the "perfect family?" Martha Stewart-ism at it's finest.....(soapbox please, Henry) Why do we need to appear to be "all that and a bag of chips?" (You have NO idea how long I have waited to use that quip!...I digress) In the tone of the voice of the woman from the Test of the Emergency Broadcast System I say, "No one is perfect!" I then repeat.... NO ONE is perfecut! (Yes, perfectionists I spelled that wrong to make a point! Relax would ya?) So, after surfing and looking at pictures of perfect hair and perfect children making perfect loaves of fresh ground whole wheat bread I have decided to take a stand. Right here and now I am posting a bunch of "less than normal" stats about my humble existence in hopes that those weary bloggers who, like myself feel like they can never match-up to perfection, will have a place to feel normal again. So stop setting-up activities to photograph for the sole purpose of making you look like you have it all together and posting it on your web page. Stop running to your computer the minute your darling daughter says something funny instead of calling your darling husband and telling him and only him, forgetting that it does not matter if no one ever found out how cute she is.... Stop!!! Read. Laugh. Walk away feeling just as crazy messed up, saved by unbelievable grace just like me.

1. I have eaten Oreo cookies for breakfast more than I can number......YES of course, with my kidds as well!!

2. I still count on my fingers under the table.

3. I have stayed in my robe until my husband came home from work.

4. I have "Played" the part of the "Lowly Housewife" in order to get Chinese take-out for dinner.

5. I have spanked the wrong child.

6. I still cannot multiply in my head higher than the 6 family...and I am not blaming it on my Public School...

7. I cannot fit in my wedding dress. (Ok I can hear the sighs of relief!!)

8. I make my children take an oath of silence whenever I roll out a pie crust.

9. I hide in the bathroom to eat candy bars so the kids don't hear the crinkle and attack me.

10. I can not make a pumpkin roll. (the last attempt is still in the yard of a house in Mongolia, frozen, wrapped in the pillowcase that someone was given as a wedding present....)

11. I sold a Princess House chip and dip bowl at a yard sale for a dollar. (Re-read to grasp the dumbness of this.....and NO I did not know it was Princess House, and YES I still think it was dog ugly!!)

12. When I turned 30 I seriously stopped caring what people think and how they like my hair.

13. I run from confrontation, like far away.

14. I cry when I get lost, see a Hallmark commercial, when old people sing, when I can't get a cake out of the pan, and at too many other things to list.

15. I have at least 2 cross-stitch projects that are started and am noting right here and now that they will never get finished. (Embrace freedom, crafters.)

16. I have shopped at Goodwill for secret sister gifts....and still do.

17. I sing songs that are way out of my range in the shower and even there I still sound bad.

18. I never learned phonics and so I have called my husband to ask him how a special sound was pronounced.

19. I have eaten candy given to my children "for later" by people at church several times.

20. I leave clean clothes in piles, making it a game to see who can find clean underclothes first, instead of putting it away.

The list could go on...and my point is that, we are all under construction. Failure to recognize that makes us impatient, frazzled, mean and nasty. Stop keeping up, and just keep on. Be real, and love life. Love your husband, children and friends....even if no one ever notices, takes your picture or writes about it. "Kids...get the Oreos..................."


  1. ROFLOL Oh my, you can make me laugh!

    LOVED the idea of eating candy bars in the bathroom. I usually wait 'till the little ones are taking naps, and then tell the big ones as I take it out of the hiding place "Don't even ask; the answer is no. This is mine, thankyouverymuch." I know, I'm so bad. :)

    Not too long ago the kids yelled, "Daddy's home!" Since I was still in my pajamas I raced down the stairs and practically collided with him as he walked in the door. He said, "Wow, it looks like you had a nice relaxing day." Instantly the tears came and I said, "NO, I had a HORRIBLE day. I haven't even had time to take a shower! I've been headed that way all day long." It was so awful then, but I can laugh now. :)

    Nothing like keepin' it real. :)

  2. Though my "bad news" differs slightly I can agree 100%. And I have always liked your hair. Even in pigtails. :)