Hello all! I am retired from the blue chair tonight and was truthfully just about to drift off to sleep when I decided to read a wonderful devotional. I wanted to hurry a post off to you because it blessed me in such a way, and tonight, late it is fitting because it is about the dark.
I have never been a fan of the dark. Nope. When I was little I shared a room with my two older sisters (that is a story all in itself for another time!!) and never was "alone." So the "scared of the dark" thing really didn't bother me, because I had my sisters there, and a window above my bed where light came in, and spiders too, but again I digress.
As I got older I detested the dark. I think the older I get the more of a "frady-cat" I become! Then after one of my kiddos was born I began having trouble sleeping at night. Night became such an enemy to me. It brought fears, thoughts, worries and the like. Whenever I am going through a really difficult time, sure enough my problem sleeping re-appears. I have had many a night where I lay awake, praying for literally the sun to rise, and the minute it did and I saw the sunlight I would fall into the deepest sleep you have ever beheld. There is something about the darkness that just held me in fear and the break of daylight allowed me to finally sleep in peace.
The past three weeks has again brought my dread of nights back to me. It began in the hospital when I went on a 4 day stretch of probably one hour of sleep. Each time I would close my eyes I was laying on the floor again bleeding in fear. Everything seems so much worse at night, financial stresses, a child's sickness, everything. I have finally gotten into a good sleeping pattern now and for that I am indeed thankful. While I was missing sleep I was praying for several of you all by name to pass the time. :)
One friend said to me one day, "You could look for God to show you all the good that happens in the night.." I cringed at first. Hmmmm......let's see, robberies, wild animals come out......to name a few. But she had a good idea and tonight the Lord brought several things to my attention and I wanted to share them for any of you all out there who are up late tonight with one of "those nights." I send you a hug and I completely understand!
Here's what my devotional says:
"Many of God's secrets have been revealed to His servants under the cover of darkness. Young Samuel receives his first messages from God while Eli and the Israelites sleep. Abraham walks out under the starry canopy of heaven and receives the promise of a posterity as the stars. In horrible darkness he receives the remainder of his message. Jacob wrestles in the dark and becomes a Prince. The revelation of the ten commandments was given to His chosen people in a cloud and thick darkness. Daniel and Paul receive their visions in the night. Shepherds grasp the greatest message of all time while angels sing. What secret treasures have we discovered in out night of loneliness, sorrow or bereavement?"
I just love this reminder of how God has worked in the dark! It goes on to give this poem which I just treasure tonight.
"What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in the light."
My words of consolation, my songs in the night;
When the shadows have vanished and the morn breaks again,
Go tell what I have told you to the children of men.
"What I tell you in darkness," when the wind whips the sea,
When the waves overwhelm you and you cry unto Me;
When My voice stills the tempest, My words calm your fear,
That tell to your brothers, their fainting hearts cheer.
"What I tell you in darkness," when I answer your call
Where you walk in rough places, and stumble and fall;
When My Word lights your pathway, a lamp to your feet,
To those who fall beside you, my message repeat.
"What I tell you in darkness," hold fast in your heart;
From the desert place of waiting, when I call you apart,
From the stillness and the shadow where you were so blest
Go forth and speak to others who know not My rest.
"What I tell you in darkness," in the long night of fear,
When I wake and watch beside you, and no other is near;
In the gloom of the Garden, where you echo my prayer--
That speak to those around you who agonize there.
~Annie Johnson Flint
Miss Flint suffered a great deal with painful debilitating arthritis. I can imagine that she herself had spent many a night awake, in discomfort, in worry and fear, and she still reminds us to turn and use our darkness to remind other brothers and sisters that God is still good, still able and still enough to be our light in our dark places.
"When I wake and watch beside you, and no other is near;" What a delight to my weary soul this is tonight coupled with Ps 121:3-4 "He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep."
And with that I wish you a pleasant sleep!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
He's STILL Workin' on Me.....
Welcome to the conglomeration (wow no red squiggles....can't believe I spelled that right the first shot!) of my thoughts from this past week and a half. Things have been stressful and comments from other people have somewhat added to that stress. You forget that many people have a say and in the name of "encouragement" want their voice to be heard. Good people. Christian people. Well-meaning people will throw different phrases at you like, "You gotta work through this," "You'll be alright." Or try this one on for size, "You gotta think of all the good things," mixed with a helping of, "You STILL don't know when she will come home??" And the honest to goodness truth of the matter is that if you have not gone through this situation before.......friends you just do not know what it is like. I HAVE been blessed numerous times by opening a piece of mail and seeing, "My little one was born at 32 weeks and I remember...," or an email telling me that they too had to make treks to the hospital for weeks and remember.... Joel affectionately calls it my little "club." :) I am so thankful for all of those who have been willing to remember some hard, heartbreaking times just to seek to encourage me in the process.
In this type of a situation people can unknowingly make you feel like you are not where you need to be spiritually. So...I have been doing some soul-searching, getting into my Bible morning and night, seeking to envelop myself with Godly things, music and preachers and teachers that will help me "gird up the loins of my mind." I have to add here, that when you go through something traumatic, and add a heap of unknown and stress to it, you may KNOW that God is working, helping, loving, guiding etc. but you cannot convince your emotions and will of it. If you have never been in a situation where you have to CONVINCE your emotions and will of what is indeed fact, than you probably are not human friend.
I am putting in scripture daily, only to find that I cannot make the connection from my brain to my heart. There is a disconnect that leaves me knowing it, but not feeling it. And yes, my faith is weak. And here enters Dr. Robert Cooke.
My friend Tam and I love this guy. He is on the radio and his "spot" is called, "Walk with the King." The announcer always announces him by saying, "And now the late Dr. Robert Cooke.." This used to make me so angry. "This guy is an excellent teacher and yet this announcer has to publish to the whole world that he has a problem with punctuality??? Give him a break!" I would think. And then finally one bright and shining day I realized that being "late" meant being "deceased." Hey where I grew up, if you were "late" you were not there when you were supposed to be okay? Unless of course you were "fashionably late" and then you were cool. So this begs the question, Can deceased people be "fashionably late?" Should we say, the "fashionably late" Grandpa???? Ok back to my story.....
Robert Cooke is a breath of fresh air to me. On the way to the hospital I was catching his program and something ministered so much to me! He was expounding on the "grace of God," and made this statement, "People wonder if the grace of God is present in some one's life in a difficult situation. The fact that that person can function, daily going about their normal business SHOWS the grace of God in their life." Did you catch that? As a Christian, the fact that we keep "Keepin' on" amidst trying and heartbreaking situations shows the world God's grace on our lives. We CAN keep going on, even though we may feel like curling up in a dark corner somewhere. This spoke to my heart, reminding me that I do have evidence of God's grace alive and working in my life during this time.
Another way God has encouraged me has been through the Holy Spirit. Everyday, sometimes twice a day we make the trek to St. Elizabeth's hospital. I never used to think I could remember how to get one of my kids to the hospital in an emergency and let's just say I could get them there with my eyes closed now! Well, there is a certain building that we pass each time we make the trek. I can't imagine just how many times I have passed it now, but from the very beginning of our hospital visits the Lord has been speaking to me about this building. I look out the window as we pass it on our right and think, " I need to go and see if there is something I can do there." I told Joel how the Lord was directing. He thought it a great idea. Days would pass and I would think about it and not put feet to my thoughts....until yesterday afternoon. The night before God was again speaking to me about going, and I agreed with Him that I needed to. Well, it "just so happened" (wink wink) that I was making the hospital trek alone yesterday afternoon. Usually Joel and I go together after the kids are in bed. Here I was alone and in the middle of the day...a beautiful day I might add.
I drove and got to where I could see the building and arguably told the Lord, "Lord I don't know which exit it is." "Right here." He said. And there it was plain as day. "Lord I am not familiar with this part of town, what if I cannot find a safe place to park???" "Here's a parking spot RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING'S FRONT DOOR." He said. I pulled in and smiled. Ok Lord. You win.
"Where on earth are you??" You ask??? I am at the Youngstown City Mission. For some time with all that has been going on with Alayna, I have had a desire (put there by God himself) to get out and help someone else and take my eyes off of my own needs. Why the City Mission??? Well because God led me there and because no one would know me. I can go and quietly serve and help without recognition. I can just go and pray and love and serve someone much bigger than myself.
I walked in and the tears began like a leaky faucet. The kind black man at the front desk listened intently as I told him that "I have a daughter in the hospital and God wanted me to come and see if I could be a help." I think he thought I NEEDED HELP and picked up the phone to call someone upstairs......no not God, just a woman UP THE STAIRS. He mumbled something like, "Yeah, uh a Deena Roylaty is here and uh she is goin' thru a hard time and she needs to talk." I thought, "Buddy you don't know the HALF of it!!" Up the stairs I went, trying to gain my composure so I would not appear to the NEXT person as much of a nutcase as I had to the last! Though after the formal greetings the faucet was turned on full force again. :) Oh well, when the eyes leak the head won't swell right??? ;) A sweet woman named Rose listened and gave me all the time in the world to gain my composure which seemed to ME like half of an eternity. I again conveyed that the Lord led me here and that I thought in my present circumstance that it was important to spend more time serving others and taking my eyes off of myself and my own problems. I smiled and said, "I cannot do deep cleaning until I am healed completely, but I can work in the kitchen, I can do just about anything else. Can you use me?" She was almost dumbfounded, but quickly and openly thanked the Lord for sending me, and even thanked me for being willing to listen to the Holy Spirit's prompting. She got me in touch with someone who will assign me a job and a day that works for me, prayed for me and sent me on my way rejoicing.
God speaking to me reminded me that I am still close to Him........even if at times I wonder where He is. He reminded me that "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps." Proverbs 16:9. I remember a poem I loved in high school.... "Tomorrow's plans I do not know, I only know THIS MINUTE. But He will say, this is the way, by faith now walk ye in it." God is directing me in minute increments because he knows I cannot handle the big picture. I just need to listen for His promptings and obey.
I am not quite sure how you can feel a myriad of emotions in a few hours, but you can. Or how you can feel so alone in a group of people that you know love you, but you can. Or how you can feel like you cannot make it through another day only to get up and pour cereal and keep going. Alayna's long hospital stay is not the only thing that weighs on me. There are other things that I need to process, other issues that God is teaching me while I wait her safe arrival home with us. He IS still working on me.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flow'r.
Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.
~William Cowper
In this type of a situation people can unknowingly make you feel like you are not where you need to be spiritually. So...I have been doing some soul-searching, getting into my Bible morning and night, seeking to envelop myself with Godly things, music and preachers and teachers that will help me "gird up the loins of my mind." I have to add here, that when you go through something traumatic, and add a heap of unknown and stress to it, you may KNOW that God is working, helping, loving, guiding etc. but you cannot convince your emotions and will of it. If you have never been in a situation where you have to CONVINCE your emotions and will of what is indeed fact, than you probably are not human friend.
I am putting in scripture daily, only to find that I cannot make the connection from my brain to my heart. There is a disconnect that leaves me knowing it, but not feeling it. And yes, my faith is weak. And here enters Dr. Robert Cooke.
My friend Tam and I love this guy. He is on the radio and his "spot" is called, "Walk with the King." The announcer always announces him by saying, "And now the late Dr. Robert Cooke.." This used to make me so angry. "This guy is an excellent teacher and yet this announcer has to publish to the whole world that he has a problem with punctuality??? Give him a break!" I would think. And then finally one bright and shining day I realized that being "late" meant being "deceased." Hey where I grew up, if you were "late" you were not there when you were supposed to be okay? Unless of course you were "fashionably late" and then you were cool. So this begs the question, Can deceased people be "fashionably late?" Should we say, the "fashionably late" Grandpa???? Ok back to my story.....
Robert Cooke is a breath of fresh air to me. On the way to the hospital I was catching his program and something ministered so much to me! He was expounding on the "grace of God," and made this statement, "People wonder if the grace of God is present in some one's life in a difficult situation. The fact that that person can function, daily going about their normal business SHOWS the grace of God in their life." Did you catch that? As a Christian, the fact that we keep "Keepin' on" amidst trying and heartbreaking situations shows the world God's grace on our lives. We CAN keep going on, even though we may feel like curling up in a dark corner somewhere. This spoke to my heart, reminding me that I do have evidence of God's grace alive and working in my life during this time.
Another way God has encouraged me has been through the Holy Spirit. Everyday, sometimes twice a day we make the trek to St. Elizabeth's hospital. I never used to think I could remember how to get one of my kids to the hospital in an emergency and let's just say I could get them there with my eyes closed now! Well, there is a certain building that we pass each time we make the trek. I can't imagine just how many times I have passed it now, but from the very beginning of our hospital visits the Lord has been speaking to me about this building. I look out the window as we pass it on our right and think, " I need to go and see if there is something I can do there." I told Joel how the Lord was directing. He thought it a great idea. Days would pass and I would think about it and not put feet to my thoughts....until yesterday afternoon. The night before God was again speaking to me about going, and I agreed with Him that I needed to. Well, it "just so happened" (wink wink) that I was making the hospital trek alone yesterday afternoon. Usually Joel and I go together after the kids are in bed. Here I was alone and in the middle of the day...a beautiful day I might add.
I drove and got to where I could see the building and arguably told the Lord, "Lord I don't know which exit it is." "Right here." He said. And there it was plain as day. "Lord I am not familiar with this part of town, what if I cannot find a safe place to park???" "Here's a parking spot RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BUILDING'S FRONT DOOR." He said. I pulled in and smiled. Ok Lord. You win.
"Where on earth are you??" You ask??? I am at the Youngstown City Mission. For some time with all that has been going on with Alayna, I have had a desire (put there by God himself) to get out and help someone else and take my eyes off of my own needs. Why the City Mission??? Well because God led me there and because no one would know me. I can go and quietly serve and help without recognition. I can just go and pray and love and serve someone much bigger than myself.
I walked in and the tears began like a leaky faucet. The kind black man at the front desk listened intently as I told him that "I have a daughter in the hospital and God wanted me to come and see if I could be a help." I think he thought I NEEDED HELP and picked up the phone to call someone upstairs......no not God, just a woman UP THE STAIRS. He mumbled something like, "Yeah, uh a Deena Roylaty is here and uh she is goin' thru a hard time and she needs to talk." I thought, "Buddy you don't know the HALF of it!!" Up the stairs I went, trying to gain my composure so I would not appear to the NEXT person as much of a nutcase as I had to the last! Though after the formal greetings the faucet was turned on full force again. :) Oh well, when the eyes leak the head won't swell right??? ;) A sweet woman named Rose listened and gave me all the time in the world to gain my composure which seemed to ME like half of an eternity. I again conveyed that the Lord led me here and that I thought in my present circumstance that it was important to spend more time serving others and taking my eyes off of myself and my own problems. I smiled and said, "I cannot do deep cleaning until I am healed completely, but I can work in the kitchen, I can do just about anything else. Can you use me?" She was almost dumbfounded, but quickly and openly thanked the Lord for sending me, and even thanked me for being willing to listen to the Holy Spirit's prompting. She got me in touch with someone who will assign me a job and a day that works for me, prayed for me and sent me on my way rejoicing.
God speaking to me reminded me that I am still close to Him........even if at times I wonder where He is. He reminded me that "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps." Proverbs 16:9. I remember a poem I loved in high school.... "Tomorrow's plans I do not know, I only know THIS MINUTE. But He will say, this is the way, by faith now walk ye in it." God is directing me in minute increments because he knows I cannot handle the big picture. I just need to listen for His promptings and obey.
I am not quite sure how you can feel a myriad of emotions in a few hours, but you can. Or how you can feel so alone in a group of people that you know love you, but you can. Or how you can feel like you cannot make it through another day only to get up and pour cereal and keep going. Alayna's long hospital stay is not the only thing that weighs on me. There are other things that I need to process, other issues that God is teaching me while I wait her safe arrival home with us. He IS still working on me.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flow'r.
Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.
~William Cowper
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Royalty House Rules Revisited
I got to reading some old posts and could not resist posting this again for those who have joined our blog only recently. Hope it gets you laughing and makes you feel a bit more normal!!!
Royalty House Rules
1. When Mom naps, we play the "we are petrified pieces of wood" game. 600 square feet leaves no room for noise when Mom is trying to take a nap.
2. One person talks at the dinner table at a time. We do not believe in speaking in tongues, nor interpreting them.
3. Saying "I don't like this" gets you an extra helping of whatever does not catch your fancy.
4. Telling the truth will get you out of many a pickle, and might get you elected to Congress.
5. What Dad says, Mom says, and vice versa. If we catch you tryin the ole' switch-er-oo, your name is mud man, mud.
6. We do not describe Mom using any animal characteristics.
7. We read "Mom's are Marvelous" every time we find it. Finding it is as follows: We find the book, gather and sit no matter where we are or WHAT we are doing, and read it completely through with no interruptions. So what if Mother's Day is months away.
8. Fun comes after chores. I tried the Mary Poppins adage, "In every element of fun there is a job that must be done.." and yeah that didn't work. So chores aren't fun. Do them then have fun.
9. We do not explain what kind of bugs the pitcher plant eats to help our existence at any time of the day.......nausea is instantaneous.
10. By 3 1/2 you are on your own in the restroom. Toilet paper is cheap. Find it and do whatever works for ya.
11. The questions, "Are we there yet?" "What are we having for dinner?" and "Why do I have to do this?" are tolerable the first 3 times...... after that we take 5 cents from your inheritance each repetition. AND when Mom is getting dressed and putting make-up on after noon, the question "Where are we going, Mom?" can make you disinherited all together.
12. When you hear "So-and-so-is-here!" assume emergency stations. Mom will be tripping on her robe as she flies to her room to dress, while you are left to shove as many things as you can under the couch.....dishes included.
13. You are allowed one or two good hearty laughs at an unexpected bodily function, whether yours or not. After that it is just poor manners.
14. You can hide wherever you like so long as you can unwedge yourself when you need to exit.
15. Every outfit without visible food on it is wearable for a two day stretch, then washed.
16. Laugh often, love much and munch much. Wonderful motto.
Royalty House Rules
1. When Mom naps, we play the "we are petrified pieces of wood" game. 600 square feet leaves no room for noise when Mom is trying to take a nap.
2. One person talks at the dinner table at a time. We do not believe in speaking in tongues, nor interpreting them.
3. Saying "I don't like this" gets you an extra helping of whatever does not catch your fancy.
4. Telling the truth will get you out of many a pickle, and might get you elected to Congress.
5. What Dad says, Mom says, and vice versa. If we catch you tryin the ole' switch-er-oo, your name is mud man, mud.
6. We do not describe Mom using any animal characteristics.
7. We read "Mom's are Marvelous" every time we find it. Finding it is as follows: We find the book, gather and sit no matter where we are or WHAT we are doing, and read it completely through with no interruptions. So what if Mother's Day is months away.
8. Fun comes after chores. I tried the Mary Poppins adage, "In every element of fun there is a job that must be done.." and yeah that didn't work. So chores aren't fun. Do them then have fun.
9. We do not explain what kind of bugs the pitcher plant eats to help our existence at any time of the day.......nausea is instantaneous.
10. By 3 1/2 you are on your own in the restroom. Toilet paper is cheap. Find it and do whatever works for ya.
11. The questions, "Are we there yet?" "What are we having for dinner?" and "Why do I have to do this?" are tolerable the first 3 times...... after that we take 5 cents from your inheritance each repetition. AND when Mom is getting dressed and putting make-up on after noon, the question "Where are we going, Mom?" can make you disinherited all together.
12. When you hear "So-and-so-is-here!" assume emergency stations. Mom will be tripping on her robe as she flies to her room to dress, while you are left to shove as many things as you can under the couch.....dishes included.
13. You are allowed one or two good hearty laughs at an unexpected bodily function, whether yours or not. After that it is just poor manners.
14. You can hide wherever you like so long as you can unwedge yourself when you need to exit.
15. Every outfit without visible food on it is wearable for a two day stretch, then washed.
16. Laugh often, love much and munch much. Wonderful motto.
Friday, July 10, 2009
The Holy Spirit and Mr. Habeeb
Who in their right mind likes loose ends???? Not I. And lately there they are each way we look. As of right now we are in the process of looking for a new vehicle as ours cannot hold 6 children. Well let me rephrase that, we cannot legally hold 6 kiddos.... So last week suddenly we followed a lead on a van and traveled and hour only to come home empty handed because the woman selling the van was on vacation! And this gets a bit complicated because there is a teenager wanting to purchase ours as soon as we can find another vehicle, so that adds a bit of stress to the mix!
Of course on our minds continually is Alayna. So many questions...and "When will she come home?" is at the top of the list. A huge loose end for us.
We are also looking for a new car seat as ours has fought the "mob" and the "mob" won if you get my drift. Now this is not a HUGE deal. I have postponed it partially for financial reasons and partially because this is my last little bundle of joy and I want to pick out something adorably feminine. Again though a loose end. We cannot bring Alayna home without something to put her in!
Loose end numero quatro......Well most of you who know us, know that we have been house-hunting literally for YEARS now. Our two bedroom 600 sq. foot house is busting at the seams. I am beginning to wonder if the neighbors are starting to look at me as "The Old Woman who lived in a shoe..." We have made it work, and doubled up beds and such and have thoroughly enjoyed our huge yard despite our tiny house, and all the while have been pleading with the Lord to give us a house. In my Bible above Psalm 77 I have the date, 12/2/06 and these words....."waiting on God for a house." I told you it has been a matter of prayer for a while! I had walked through a house that day, a house we would gladly fit in with much room to spare, but financially it would have had to have been a miracle to get us in it. I told this Realtor woman that if "God wanted us to have that house, HE would give it to us." I am still unsure if I thought my enormous faith would knock a few thousand dollars off the price, or make the woman break into tears and give us the house quoting, "freely thou hast been given, freely give," B-U-T neither worked and I came home in tears and sat down on Haywood and read this chapter. It has been a comfort ever since.
Here enters Mr. Habeeb. At the corner of our street is a little store. A store that has been vacant for a year or so, that some ethnic men have suddenly transformed and are re-opening soon. Joel does pavement sealing on the side, and offered them a quote to seal their parking lot. Well I guess Mr. Habeeb also asked Joel if there were any houses to rent on this street and Joel mentioned that we would eventually like to move. This sparked his interest and lo and behold guess who showed up today!??
I had taken Caleb to the doctor and by the time I got home I was exhausted. It doesn't take much lately.. and Caleb, Anna and I were laying down for a nap. We hear this pounding at the front door, which we do not use. I ignore it...I am way too tired and usually people knocking at the FRONT door means they do not know us.... the dog goes crazy waking Anna up crying. Then there is pounding at the back door! "Ok this salesman must be desperate," I think. THEN a loud ethnic "HEYYYYLLLOOW????" Ok Mister I am up and coming! I get to the door, crack it open and behold Mr. Habeeb and what apparently is his wife. I stare at him with a "This better be good buddy" look. His first words out of his mouth are, "WHEN YOU GONNA MOVE????" I then gave him a look that I cannot even find words to describe. He apparently notices I just got up. Unfortunately he lacks discretion and KEEPS talking......"I see you sleepy or someting. I talk to Joil, he say he come do parking lot. (He then holds up his cell phone) I call Joil, leave message." At this time I am praying whatever sense of humor I have left kicks in before my mouth catches up to my brain...
I finally find something to say. "My husband will be home after 5, you will have to talk to him. I recently had surgery and I am going to lay down." He mumbled something and began to walk away. His wife finally says, "Heylo." She was most likely trying to think of the one English word she knew, and AHA there it was. Good for her!
Joel DID come home and speak with Mr. Habeeb who apparently told Joel he wanted to look through my house tomorrow.....! Joel thought it might not be a bad idea?? I then looked at JOIL....and gave HIM a "who are you and what have you done with my husband?" look. The thought of Mr. Habeeb coming through MY HOUSE, the only little piece of security I have on God's green earth, and telling me something he did not like or would change would probably be enough to make me speak his language and bite his ankles off entirely. Enough said. I have Joel's word that in my present state of too many loose ends, Mr. Habeeb will not get in this house, though today several times I have looked at him sideways just to see if he is serious and indeed he is. Deep down he knows what I could do to Mr. Habeeb. A Mother separated from her young is no one to be trifled with.
So......on the way home from getting the kiddos my loose ends began to feel like a noose around my neck. I asked Joel to take the long way home, passing by that house I afore mentioned, "just to see" if for some angelic reason it was for sale and was screaming our name. When we didn't turn to go home one of the boys said to the other, "Where we goin'?" One answered, "We're goin' to look for a car so we can take Alayna home." "No," answered another, "We're lookin' for a house to live in!" The wonderful thing about all of this is that Joel knew why I wanted to drive past the house on Kennedy road. I didn't even have to explain. He knows that house to me represents so much hope and faith in the Lord, so much prayer and expectation as we wait on Him. And we drove by it. Before we even approached it the Holy Spirit spoke so clearly to me that it brought instant tears, "Girl don't you know that I want to open the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing so great that you cannot even receive it??" Yet the moment my eyes caught sight of the house the verse, Pr 13:12 "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick:" came to mind. It wasn't until I got home and looked that verse up that I noticed the end of that verse........"BUT when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life." I am waiting for that desire to be accomplished. I love that the verse I thought was adding to my hopelesness was in fact the Holy Spirit reeling me in to see the "rest of the story," and be encouraged. I just love the Holy Spirit! (Yes I sound like a second grader but who cares!)
Is God good??? Most certainly. Are loose ends part of life? You bet your bottom dollar. Is waiting enjoyable? No way Jose. Will God's will be accomplished through all these things? Praise God yes. So we hold on, pray like fiends and wrap our hope around Phil. 4:19 "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
Of course on our minds continually is Alayna. So many questions...and "When will she come home?" is at the top of the list. A huge loose end for us.
We are also looking for a new car seat as ours has fought the "mob" and the "mob" won if you get my drift. Now this is not a HUGE deal. I have postponed it partially for financial reasons and partially because this is my last little bundle of joy and I want to pick out something adorably feminine. Again though a loose end. We cannot bring Alayna home without something to put her in!
Loose end numero quatro......Well most of you who know us, know that we have been house-hunting literally for YEARS now. Our two bedroom 600 sq. foot house is busting at the seams. I am beginning to wonder if the neighbors are starting to look at me as "The Old Woman who lived in a shoe..." We have made it work, and doubled up beds and such and have thoroughly enjoyed our huge yard despite our tiny house, and all the while have been pleading with the Lord to give us a house. In my Bible above Psalm 77 I have the date, 12/2/06 and these words....."waiting on God for a house." I told you it has been a matter of prayer for a while! I had walked through a house that day, a house we would gladly fit in with much room to spare, but financially it would have had to have been a miracle to get us in it. I told this Realtor woman that if "God wanted us to have that house, HE would give it to us." I am still unsure if I thought my enormous faith would knock a few thousand dollars off the price, or make the woman break into tears and give us the house quoting, "freely thou hast been given, freely give," B-U-T neither worked and I came home in tears and sat down on Haywood and read this chapter. It has been a comfort ever since.
Here enters Mr. Habeeb. At the corner of our street is a little store. A store that has been vacant for a year or so, that some ethnic men have suddenly transformed and are re-opening soon. Joel does pavement sealing on the side, and offered them a quote to seal their parking lot. Well I guess Mr. Habeeb also asked Joel if there were any houses to rent on this street and Joel mentioned that we would eventually like to move. This sparked his interest and lo and behold guess who showed up today!??
I had taken Caleb to the doctor and by the time I got home I was exhausted. It doesn't take much lately.. and Caleb, Anna and I were laying down for a nap. We hear this pounding at the front door, which we do not use. I ignore it...I am way too tired and usually people knocking at the FRONT door means they do not know us.... the dog goes crazy waking Anna up crying. Then there is pounding at the back door! "Ok this salesman must be desperate," I think. THEN a loud ethnic "HEYYYYLLLOOW????" Ok Mister I am up and coming! I get to the door, crack it open and behold Mr. Habeeb and what apparently is his wife. I stare at him with a "This better be good buddy" look. His first words out of his mouth are, "WHEN YOU GONNA MOVE????" I then gave him a look that I cannot even find words to describe. He apparently notices I just got up. Unfortunately he lacks discretion and KEEPS talking......"I see you sleepy or someting. I talk to Joil, he say he come do parking lot. (He then holds up his cell phone) I call Joil, leave message." At this time I am praying whatever sense of humor I have left kicks in before my mouth catches up to my brain...
I finally find something to say. "My husband will be home after 5, you will have to talk to him. I recently had surgery and I am going to lay down." He mumbled something and began to walk away. His wife finally says, "Heylo." She was most likely trying to think of the one English word she knew, and AHA there it was. Good for her!
Joel DID come home and speak with Mr. Habeeb who apparently told Joel he wanted to look through my house tomorrow.....! Joel thought it might not be a bad idea?? I then looked at JOIL....and gave HIM a "who are you and what have you done with my husband?" look. The thought of Mr. Habeeb coming through MY HOUSE, the only little piece of security I have on God's green earth, and telling me something he did not like or would change would probably be enough to make me speak his language and bite his ankles off entirely. Enough said. I have Joel's word that in my present state of too many loose ends, Mr. Habeeb will not get in this house, though today several times I have looked at him sideways just to see if he is serious and indeed he is. Deep down he knows what I could do to Mr. Habeeb. A Mother separated from her young is no one to be trifled with.
So......on the way home from getting the kiddos my loose ends began to feel like a noose around my neck. I asked Joel to take the long way home, passing by that house I afore mentioned, "just to see" if for some angelic reason it was for sale and was screaming our name. When we didn't turn to go home one of the boys said to the other, "Where we goin'?" One answered, "We're goin' to look for a car so we can take Alayna home." "No," answered another, "We're lookin' for a house to live in!" The wonderful thing about all of this is that Joel knew why I wanted to drive past the house on Kennedy road. I didn't even have to explain. He knows that house to me represents so much hope and faith in the Lord, so much prayer and expectation as we wait on Him. And we drove by it. Before we even approached it the Holy Spirit spoke so clearly to me that it brought instant tears, "Girl don't you know that I want to open the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing so great that you cannot even receive it??" Yet the moment my eyes caught sight of the house the verse, Pr 13:12 "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick:" came to mind. It wasn't until I got home and looked that verse up that I noticed the end of that verse........"BUT when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life." I am waiting for that desire to be accomplished. I love that the verse I thought was adding to my hopelesness was in fact the Holy Spirit reeling me in to see the "rest of the story," and be encouraged. I just love the Holy Spirit! (Yes I sound like a second grader but who cares!)
Is God good??? Most certainly. Are loose ends part of life? You bet your bottom dollar. Is waiting enjoyable? No way Jose. Will God's will be accomplished through all these things? Praise God yes. So we hold on, pray like fiends and wrap our hope around Phil. 4:19 "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
Alayna Ruth
Our little Alayna was awake and alert last night when we went to see her. What a darling little baby she is. We can't wait till you can come home!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Looking for my rock.......
We are weary. I am weary. I am ready for Alayna to come home, yet not ready as she is so small I would probably just stand over her and worry for hours on end! We really are getting to the end of ourselves, being still unable to function as a complete family.
Alayna is 34 weeks old now and still needs time to mature. This means trips to the hospital daily, running milk, finding someone to sit with the kids since they cannot go in and so on. Coming off of almost 7 weeks of bed rest to now still not be all together is just too much to bear at times. Yesterday we were at the hospital and while we were there a sweet couple from our church had just had their first little boy. I was happy for them and congratulated their parents waiting to get their first glimpse of their new grandson. It wasn't until we got out into the parking garage that the tears came. I was happy, and still am happy. The tears were because I also wanted to take my baby home, hold her and have our family all together like theirs would soon be.
The other day we got to the hospital, scrubbed up and went into the intermediate nursery to see Alayna only to find that she was not there! They had moved her upstairs and never told us. We hurried upstairs only to find she was in a normal hospital room, which she SHARED with another family. When we walked in, she was by the window, in the dark, just laying there while this other young couple watched some loud tv show. We were heartbroken. I just kept thinking that if she can sit there while this family watched tv SURELY she can come to our home to rest and be quiet. Needless to say, we were not happy with the changes that were made and that we never were made aware of them and so back downstairs she went and now resides. We had tried to bottle feed her only to find that she is just not ready. She is being fed via a tube in her nose, which sounds awful, but really is no big deal. I would rather have her fed that way and wait until she is ready to nurse or bottle feed than try to hurry things along.
With that said, I am ready to shed the stress of everything going on and be a functioning family unit again. A sweet friend of mine was such an encouragement to me when she told me that though this situation may not be as horrible as someone else's, it is still "our mountain to climb." I love that phrase. Yes it is not a life or death situation, but it is our mountain, OUR situation and no one else's. I am slowly coming together again. I feel fine, do a little too much and spend the night with chills and so tired that I have to lay with my eyes closed because I have no energy left. It is going to be a much slower rebound than any other surgery and that also is discouraging.
And with THAT said, :) I leave you with a favorite verse. Ps 61:2 "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
Right now I am looking for that rock, and getting ready to climb up it and get above all of this. It will be good to just stand and look all around and see where we are headed, not what we are presently wading in.
Alayna is 34 weeks old now and still needs time to mature. This means trips to the hospital daily, running milk, finding someone to sit with the kids since they cannot go in and so on. Coming off of almost 7 weeks of bed rest to now still not be all together is just too much to bear at times. Yesterday we were at the hospital and while we were there a sweet couple from our church had just had their first little boy. I was happy for them and congratulated their parents waiting to get their first glimpse of their new grandson. It wasn't until we got out into the parking garage that the tears came. I was happy, and still am happy. The tears were because I also wanted to take my baby home, hold her and have our family all together like theirs would soon be.
The other day we got to the hospital, scrubbed up and went into the intermediate nursery to see Alayna only to find that she was not there! They had moved her upstairs and never told us. We hurried upstairs only to find she was in a normal hospital room, which she SHARED with another family. When we walked in, she was by the window, in the dark, just laying there while this other young couple watched some loud tv show. We were heartbroken. I just kept thinking that if she can sit there while this family watched tv SURELY she can come to our home to rest and be quiet. Needless to say, we were not happy with the changes that were made and that we never were made aware of them and so back downstairs she went and now resides. We had tried to bottle feed her only to find that she is just not ready. She is being fed via a tube in her nose, which sounds awful, but really is no big deal. I would rather have her fed that way and wait until she is ready to nurse or bottle feed than try to hurry things along.
With that said, I am ready to shed the stress of everything going on and be a functioning family unit again. A sweet friend of mine was such an encouragement to me when she told me that though this situation may not be as horrible as someone else's, it is still "our mountain to climb." I love that phrase. Yes it is not a life or death situation, but it is our mountain, OUR situation and no one else's. I am slowly coming together again. I feel fine, do a little too much and spend the night with chills and so tired that I have to lay with my eyes closed because I have no energy left. It is going to be a much slower rebound than any other surgery and that also is discouraging.
And with THAT said, :) I leave you with a favorite verse. Ps 61:2 "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
Right now I am looking for that rock, and getting ready to climb up it and get above all of this. It will be good to just stand and look all around and see where we are headed, not what we are presently wading in.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
A Little Levity......
In the midst of some trying days, the Lord graciously gives us the blessing of laughing at ourselves! I thought it would do us all good to share a few of those moments.
The other morning while I was reading my Bible in the blue chair and the kids were getting ready to head out to some blessed soul's house to be watched for the day, this scene transpired:
Isaac: Dad, Caleb called you a bad name.
Dad: What did he call me?
Isaac: He called you "Monkey Man."
(Instantaneously I pull the Bible up to cover my face and out loud ask the Lord to "Pleeese help me not to laugh..")
Caleb appears...
Dad: Um, Son, did you call me a name??
(Caleb denies the treacherous deed once, recants and then nods accepting disapproval. I am still reading Proverbs VERY closely.....every once in a while peeking out behind the pages... Now I have to note here that this is where Joel and I's tactical procedures differ. I do not reason. I discipline. Joel reasons and yes his way is better and yes he has a boatload of patience.)
Dad: Son, what did you call me?
Caleb: Mmmmmonkey Mmmman.
(Snickering from Proverbs......)
Dad: Son, we don't call anyone names......especially adults. It is disrespectful. Do you understand that???
Caleb: (nod)
Dad: Besides Son, do you understand that if I am a Monkey Man then that makes YOU the SON of a Monkey Man????
(A look of total misunderstanding from Caleb, and uncontrollable shaking and giggling from Proverbs.........." Sorry," I say........ "I can't help it!")
There are also some stories which I dare not share to protect the Men viewers. But I will tell you that since Alayna is at the hospital and I am at home, and since I have a pump at home, I HAVE been quite the spectacle and have even been looked on to share some similarities with members of the Cow family........and if you read this blog often you KNOW that totally breaks Royalty house rules......."NEVER describe Mom using any animal characteristics." Oh well..... Some of the kids really believe that Mom goes to the hospital to "milk" the baby. Hmmmm.
Well here a little levity, sure leviteth the whole bunch.
And yes, I know that isn't really scripture.
The other morning while I was reading my Bible in the blue chair and the kids were getting ready to head out to some blessed soul's house to be watched for the day, this scene transpired:
Isaac: Dad, Caleb called you a bad name.
Dad: What did he call me?
Isaac: He called you "Monkey Man."
(Instantaneously I pull the Bible up to cover my face and out loud ask the Lord to "Pleeese help me not to laugh..")
Caleb appears...
Dad: Um, Son, did you call me a name??
(Caleb denies the treacherous deed once, recants and then nods accepting disapproval. I am still reading Proverbs VERY closely.....every once in a while peeking out behind the pages... Now I have to note here that this is where Joel and I's tactical procedures differ. I do not reason. I discipline. Joel reasons and yes his way is better and yes he has a boatload of patience.)
Dad: Son, what did you call me?
Caleb: Mmmmmonkey Mmmman.
(Snickering from Proverbs......)
Dad: Son, we don't call anyone names......especially adults. It is disrespectful. Do you understand that???
Caleb: (nod)
Dad: Besides Son, do you understand that if I am a Monkey Man then that makes YOU the SON of a Monkey Man????
(A look of total misunderstanding from Caleb, and uncontrollable shaking and giggling from Proverbs.........." Sorry," I say........ "I can't help it!")
There are also some stories which I dare not share to protect the Men viewers. But I will tell you that since Alayna is at the hospital and I am at home, and since I have a pump at home, I HAVE been quite the spectacle and have even been looked on to share some similarities with members of the Cow family........and if you read this blog often you KNOW that totally breaks Royalty house rules......."NEVER describe Mom using any animal characteristics." Oh well..... Some of the kids really believe that Mom goes to the hospital to "milk" the baby. Hmmmm.
Well here a little levity, sure leviteth the whole bunch.
And yes, I know that isn't really scripture.
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