Who in their right mind likes loose ends???? Not I. And lately there they are each way we look. As of right now we are in the process of looking for a new vehicle as ours cannot hold 6 children. Well let me rephrase that, we cannot legally hold 6 kiddos.... So last week suddenly we followed a lead on a van and traveled and hour only to come home empty handed because the woman selling the van was on vacation! And this gets a bit complicated because there is a teenager wanting to purchase ours as soon as we can find another vehicle, so that adds a bit of stress to the mix!
Of course on our minds continually is Alayna. So many questions...and "When will she come home?" is at the top of the list. A huge loose end for us.
We are also looking for a new car seat as ours has fought the "mob" and the "mob" won if you get my drift. Now this is not a HUGE deal. I have postponed it partially for financial reasons and partially because this is my last little bundle of joy and I want to pick out something adorably feminine. Again though a loose end. We cannot bring Alayna home without something to put her in!
Loose end numero quatro......Well most of you who know us, know that we have been house-hunting literally for YEARS now. Our two bedroom 600 sq. foot house is busting at the seams. I am beginning to wonder if the neighbors are starting to look at me as "The Old Woman who lived in a shoe..." We have made it work, and doubled up beds and such and have thoroughly enjoyed our huge yard despite our tiny house, and all the while have been pleading with the Lord to give us a house. In my Bible above Psalm 77 I have the date, 12/2/06 and these words....."waiting on God for a house." I told you it has been a matter of prayer for a while! I had walked through a house that day, a house we would gladly fit in with much room to spare, but financially it would have had to have been a miracle to get us in it. I told this Realtor woman that if "God wanted us to have that house, HE would give it to us." I am still unsure if I thought my enormous faith would knock a few thousand dollars off the price, or make the woman break into tears and give us the house quoting, "freely thou hast been given, freely give," B-U-T neither worked and I came home in tears and sat down on Haywood and read this chapter. It has been a comfort ever since.
Here enters Mr. Habeeb. At the corner of our street is a little store. A store that has been vacant for a year or so, that some ethnic men have suddenly transformed and are re-opening soon. Joel does pavement sealing on the side, and offered them a quote to seal their parking lot. Well I guess Mr. Habeeb also asked Joel if there were any houses to rent on this street and Joel mentioned that we would eventually like to move. This sparked his interest and lo and behold guess who showed up today!??
I had taken Caleb to the doctor and by the time I got home I was exhausted. It doesn't take much lately.. and Caleb, Anna and I were laying down for a nap. We hear this pounding at the front door, which we do not use. I ignore it...I am way too tired and usually people knocking at the FRONT door means they do not know us.... the dog goes crazy waking Anna up crying. Then there is pounding at the back door! "Ok this salesman must be desperate," I think. THEN a loud ethnic "HEYYYYLLLOOW????" Ok Mister I am up and coming! I get to the door, crack it open and behold Mr. Habeeb and what apparently is his wife. I stare at him with a "This better be good buddy" look. His first words out of his mouth are, "WHEN YOU GONNA MOVE????" I then gave him a look that I cannot even find words to describe. He apparently notices I just got up. Unfortunately he lacks discretion and KEEPS talking......"I see you sleepy or someting. I talk to Joil, he say he come do parking lot. (He then holds up his cell phone) I call Joil, leave message." At this time I am praying whatever sense of humor I have left kicks in before my mouth catches up to my brain...
I finally find something to say. "My husband will be home after 5, you will have to talk to him. I recently had surgery and I am going to lay down." He mumbled something and began to walk away. His wife finally says, "Heylo." She was most likely trying to think of the one English word she knew, and AHA there it was. Good for her!
Joel DID come home and speak with Mr. Habeeb who apparently told Joel he wanted to look through my house tomorrow.....! Joel thought it might not be a bad idea?? I then looked at JOIL....and gave HIM a "who are you and what have you done with my husband?" look. The thought of Mr. Habeeb coming through MY HOUSE, the only little piece of security I have on God's green earth, and telling me something he did not like or would change would probably be enough to make me speak his language and bite his ankles off entirely. Enough said. I have Joel's word that in my present state of too many loose ends, Mr. Habeeb will not get in this house, though today several times I have looked at him sideways just to see if he is serious and indeed he is. Deep down he knows what I could do to Mr. Habeeb. A Mother separated from her young is no one to be trifled with.
So......on the way home from getting the kiddos my loose ends began to feel like a noose around my neck. I asked Joel to take the long way home, passing by that house I afore mentioned, "just to see" if for some angelic reason it was for sale and was screaming our name. When we didn't turn to go home one of the boys said to the other, "Where we goin'?" One answered, "We're goin' to look for a car so we can take Alayna home." "No," answered another, "We're lookin' for a house to live in!" The wonderful thing about all of this is that Joel knew why I wanted to drive past the house on Kennedy road. I didn't even have to explain. He knows that house to me represents so much hope and faith in the Lord, so much prayer and expectation as we wait on Him. And we drove by it. Before we even approached it the Holy Spirit spoke so clearly to me that it brought instant tears, "Girl don't you know that I want to open the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing so great that you cannot even receive it??" Yet the moment my eyes caught sight of the house the verse, Pr 13:12 "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick:" came to mind. It wasn't until I got home and looked that verse up that I noticed the end of that verse........"BUT when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life." I am waiting for that desire to be accomplished. I love that the verse I thought was adding to my hopelesness was in fact the Holy Spirit reeling me in to see the "rest of the story," and be encouraged. I just love the Holy Spirit! (Yes I sound like a second grader but who cares!)
Is God good??? Most certainly. Are loose ends part of life? You bet your bottom dollar. Is waiting enjoyable? No way Jose. Will God's will be accomplished through all these things? Praise God yes. So we hold on, pray like fiends and wrap our hope around Phil. 4:19 "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
Friday, July 10, 2009
Alayna Ruth
Our little Alayna was awake and alert last night when we went to see her. What a darling little baby she is. We can't wait till you can come home!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Looking for my rock.......
We are weary. I am weary. I am ready for Alayna to come home, yet not ready as she is so small I would probably just stand over her and worry for hours on end! We really are getting to the end of ourselves, being still unable to function as a complete family.
Alayna is 34 weeks old now and still needs time to mature. This means trips to the hospital daily, running milk, finding someone to sit with the kids since they cannot go in and so on. Coming off of almost 7 weeks of bed rest to now still not be all together is just too much to bear at times. Yesterday we were at the hospital and while we were there a sweet couple from our church had just had their first little boy. I was happy for them and congratulated their parents waiting to get their first glimpse of their new grandson. It wasn't until we got out into the parking garage that the tears came. I was happy, and still am happy. The tears were because I also wanted to take my baby home, hold her and have our family all together like theirs would soon be.
The other day we got to the hospital, scrubbed up and went into the intermediate nursery to see Alayna only to find that she was not there! They had moved her upstairs and never told us. We hurried upstairs only to find she was in a normal hospital room, which she SHARED with another family. When we walked in, she was by the window, in the dark, just laying there while this other young couple watched some loud tv show. We were heartbroken. I just kept thinking that if she can sit there while this family watched tv SURELY she can come to our home to rest and be quiet. Needless to say, we were not happy with the changes that were made and that we never were made aware of them and so back downstairs she went and now resides. We had tried to bottle feed her only to find that she is just not ready. She is being fed via a tube in her nose, which sounds awful, but really is no big deal. I would rather have her fed that way and wait until she is ready to nurse or bottle feed than try to hurry things along.
With that said, I am ready to shed the stress of everything going on and be a functioning family unit again. A sweet friend of mine was such an encouragement to me when she told me that though this situation may not be as horrible as someone else's, it is still "our mountain to climb." I love that phrase. Yes it is not a life or death situation, but it is our mountain, OUR situation and no one else's. I am slowly coming together again. I feel fine, do a little too much and spend the night with chills and so tired that I have to lay with my eyes closed because I have no energy left. It is going to be a much slower rebound than any other surgery and that also is discouraging.
And with THAT said, :) I leave you with a favorite verse. Ps 61:2 "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
Right now I am looking for that rock, and getting ready to climb up it and get above all of this. It will be good to just stand and look all around and see where we are headed, not what we are presently wading in.
Alayna is 34 weeks old now and still needs time to mature. This means trips to the hospital daily, running milk, finding someone to sit with the kids since they cannot go in and so on. Coming off of almost 7 weeks of bed rest to now still not be all together is just too much to bear at times. Yesterday we were at the hospital and while we were there a sweet couple from our church had just had their first little boy. I was happy for them and congratulated their parents waiting to get their first glimpse of their new grandson. It wasn't until we got out into the parking garage that the tears came. I was happy, and still am happy. The tears were because I also wanted to take my baby home, hold her and have our family all together like theirs would soon be.
The other day we got to the hospital, scrubbed up and went into the intermediate nursery to see Alayna only to find that she was not there! They had moved her upstairs and never told us. We hurried upstairs only to find she was in a normal hospital room, which she SHARED with another family. When we walked in, she was by the window, in the dark, just laying there while this other young couple watched some loud tv show. We were heartbroken. I just kept thinking that if she can sit there while this family watched tv SURELY she can come to our home to rest and be quiet. Needless to say, we were not happy with the changes that were made and that we never were made aware of them and so back downstairs she went and now resides. We had tried to bottle feed her only to find that she is just not ready. She is being fed via a tube in her nose, which sounds awful, but really is no big deal. I would rather have her fed that way and wait until she is ready to nurse or bottle feed than try to hurry things along.
With that said, I am ready to shed the stress of everything going on and be a functioning family unit again. A sweet friend of mine was such an encouragement to me when she told me that though this situation may not be as horrible as someone else's, it is still "our mountain to climb." I love that phrase. Yes it is not a life or death situation, but it is our mountain, OUR situation and no one else's. I am slowly coming together again. I feel fine, do a little too much and spend the night with chills and so tired that I have to lay with my eyes closed because I have no energy left. It is going to be a much slower rebound than any other surgery and that also is discouraging.
And with THAT said, :) I leave you with a favorite verse. Ps 61:2 "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
Right now I am looking for that rock, and getting ready to climb up it and get above all of this. It will be good to just stand and look all around and see where we are headed, not what we are presently wading in.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
A Little Levity......
In the midst of some trying days, the Lord graciously gives us the blessing of laughing at ourselves! I thought it would do us all good to share a few of those moments.
The other morning while I was reading my Bible in the blue chair and the kids were getting ready to head out to some blessed soul's house to be watched for the day, this scene transpired:
Isaac: Dad, Caleb called you a bad name.
Dad: What did he call me?
Isaac: He called you "Monkey Man."
(Instantaneously I pull the Bible up to cover my face and out loud ask the Lord to "Pleeese help me not to laugh..")
Caleb appears...
Dad: Um, Son, did you call me a name??
(Caleb denies the treacherous deed once, recants and then nods accepting disapproval. I am still reading Proverbs VERY closely.....every once in a while peeking out behind the pages... Now I have to note here that this is where Joel and I's tactical procedures differ. I do not reason. I discipline. Joel reasons and yes his way is better and yes he has a boatload of patience.)
Dad: Son, what did you call me?
Caleb: Mmmmmonkey Mmmman.
(Snickering from Proverbs......)
Dad: Son, we don't call anyone names......especially adults. It is disrespectful. Do you understand that???
Caleb: (nod)
Dad: Besides Son, do you understand that if I am a Monkey Man then that makes YOU the SON of a Monkey Man????
(A look of total misunderstanding from Caleb, and uncontrollable shaking and giggling from Proverbs.........." Sorry," I say........ "I can't help it!")
There are also some stories which I dare not share to protect the Men viewers. But I will tell you that since Alayna is at the hospital and I am at home, and since I have a pump at home, I HAVE been quite the spectacle and have even been looked on to share some similarities with members of the Cow family........and if you read this blog often you KNOW that totally breaks Royalty house rules......."NEVER describe Mom using any animal characteristics." Oh well..... Some of the kids really believe that Mom goes to the hospital to "milk" the baby. Hmmmm.
Well here a little levity, sure leviteth the whole bunch.
And yes, I know that isn't really scripture.
The other morning while I was reading my Bible in the blue chair and the kids were getting ready to head out to some blessed soul's house to be watched for the day, this scene transpired:
Isaac: Dad, Caleb called you a bad name.
Dad: What did he call me?
Isaac: He called you "Monkey Man."
(Instantaneously I pull the Bible up to cover my face and out loud ask the Lord to "Pleeese help me not to laugh..")
Caleb appears...
Dad: Um, Son, did you call me a name??
(Caleb denies the treacherous deed once, recants and then nods accepting disapproval. I am still reading Proverbs VERY closely.....every once in a while peeking out behind the pages... Now I have to note here that this is where Joel and I's tactical procedures differ. I do not reason. I discipline. Joel reasons and yes his way is better and yes he has a boatload of patience.)
Dad: Son, what did you call me?
Caleb: Mmmmmonkey Mmmman.
(Snickering from Proverbs......)
Dad: Son, we don't call anyone names......especially adults. It is disrespectful. Do you understand that???
Caleb: (nod)
Dad: Besides Son, do you understand that if I am a Monkey Man then that makes YOU the SON of a Monkey Man????
(A look of total misunderstanding from Caleb, and uncontrollable shaking and giggling from Proverbs.........." Sorry," I say........ "I can't help it!")
There are also some stories which I dare not share to protect the Men viewers. But I will tell you that since Alayna is at the hospital and I am at home, and since I have a pump at home, I HAVE been quite the spectacle and have even been looked on to share some similarities with members of the Cow family........and if you read this blog often you KNOW that totally breaks Royalty house rules......."NEVER describe Mom using any animal characteristics." Oh well..... Some of the kids really believe that Mom goes to the hospital to "milk" the baby. Hmmmm.
Well here a little levity, sure leviteth the whole bunch.
And yes, I know that isn't really scripture.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
"Who delivered,.. and doth deliver:....he will yet deliver..."
Hello to all my sweet praying friends. After a whirlwind couple of days I am not feeling ready to post, but need to tell you all what the Lord has done for us, and in doing so, remind myself in this emotional state, of God's preserving hand on my life.
Saturday was the day. Early Saturday morning was the scariest moment of my life and to be very honest, I am still having trouble sleeping at night, just remembering what took place, like some sort of post traumatic stress. As most of you know, hemorrhaging was always an issue with the complete placenta previa that I had and that is indeed what happened. As Joel mentioned, he ALWAYS stayed close to home for just such a purpose, and how God orchestrated things that morning is beyond us. Two things I knew: One, I KNEW that it was going to happen a few moments before it did. I even prayed and asked the Lord if it could be some other day because I had not slept well and was so tired. I told Him I did not think I could handle it being so exhausted! I rolled over in bed with my eyes still closed, just having spoken to Him in quiet prayer and then it happened. The other thing I knew was that God in his mercy allowed me to be in the right place at the right time. My sweet friend had had the SAME thing happen to her many years previous. She has many years experience in the medical field, she is calm under pressure and would know what to do when. I also knew that I would not have wanted Joel to have seen how awful it was. So those two things I knew.
To be honest not until today, talking with my friend again, did the Lord allow me to "see" how bad things really were that day. When the EMT arrived, I was lying on the floor in my own blood. Now for someone who has never had a similar circumstance this is just unimaginable, and I believe that now that the worst is behind me my emotions are "catching up" to what has happened to them. Blood was everywhere, and was not stopping. I had called Joel and my doctor and then lay there praying, waiting, and feeling this almost "auto pilot" experience of the Lord taking over and working. Again the Lord himself whispered to me early that morning that this was going to happen, so I was not surprised. Scared, yes, but I lay there thinking many things and one of them was that God knew.
Another amazing moment was when the nurses were coming in and out of my room prepping me for surgery, I prayed out loud, for the surgeon, for the anesthesiologist, and for God to be a very ready help in time of trouble. Scared, yes, but together..THIS was God and God alone. I looked at my friend and Joel and told them that they were going to "put me under" and I was alright with that. Just THEN the anesthesiologist came back into the room and told us that he was indeed going to use general anesthesia. GOD told me before he even decided and I KNEW. Joel and my friend were stunned.
Many many times I have wondered what it would be like to be wheeled into surgery, with the circumstances horrific and saying goodbye to Joel. NEVER did I dream it would be like what took place that morning. Remember, I am still actively bleeding which they cannot stop, I and scared yes, but supernaturally being led....yes LED by God. So far He has told me each coming step and with eyes of faith, I touched Joel's face and looked at him as seriously as I ever have and told him I KNEW I would be ok. God told me. I wasn't crying at all this whole time, not at the house, in the ambulance, or the hospital and now not being wheeled off to major surgery. I was trying to reassure Joel. I didn't want him to fear. God was working so mightily, that it wasn't until right before I was put under that I began to become emotional. Was God still there, yes very much so, and I closed my eyes and hung every ounce of faith I had on Him.
Recovery is all a blur for me, or was until this morning when I spoke with my friend who filled me in on what took place. She, again has worked in the medical field and with an EMT for a husband knows when things are looking pretty grim. She estimates that I lost about a gallon of blood and could not tell me how I looked without crying. She said my blood pressure was very close to going into shock and she said every hour she prayed for God himself to spare my life. Do you know how humbling that is to hear... to know? That people were praying for God to keep you on the earth, because they love you that much?? It is more than I can express in writing. Maybe if you come over I will cry for an hour and you might get the idea... Joel sat by my side, seeing me white as a ghost, barely able to speak, and fed me ice. He told me that one thing that was so interesting to him was that, while the doctors and nurses were taking care of me.....(a lot can be said here, but know that my uterus was not working properly because of the placenta coming first. It actually had to be cut through to get to the baby, and so my uterus was not contracting like it should have to slow blood loss down. This was the most excruciating pain I have ever had. Ever.) I would apologise to them. One time I grabbed a nurses hand because I was trying to stop her, only to apologise to her for doing so. THIS was the Lord working, this is something that can only be described by His presence.
The pain was excruciating. When I was able to eat for the first time, I noticed that I chipped my tooth and that my jaw was only able to open a little ways, because I had clenched it so tight in pain. And there was a time, in a dark corner room, when in pain I felt all alone. I out loud asked God, "Why are you so far from helping me???" I did feel alone. But I wasn't. And through my friend telling me that God Himself saved my life, I now know that though at that moment I could not "Feel" Him leading and guiding, He most certainly had and would certainly continue to watch over me.
Finally we met with the surgeon who described the surgery site as what a "gun shot wound" would look like. He also informed us that in a "normal" surgery he uses 2 boxes of sutures, or pre-made needles for stitches, and in my case he used 15. I was hearing and not believing. He also said that I would need more blood, and was not out of the woods. This was a very deep valley for me. I spoke very candidly to God, and let me tell you, that before I have spoken about getting things right with Him. Making amends where He leads, and friend when you are in this position, you will be glad you did. I searched my heart, and NOW the tears came. I asked Him where I might have displeased Him, and there was nothing. I then pleaded with Him, asking Him to allow me to get through this, frequently telling Him that I could not handle any more. Joel asked me if I wanted him to read to me from the Bible and in in doubtful spirit, wondering why God had indeed allowed things to happen this way, shook my head "no." He read anyway, and the words fell like water on dry and barren land, washing away any despair I had hidden in my heart. God knew I still loved Him, He knew I still trusted Him.
Alayna was thriving despite these terrible situations. She was given some chest compressions at birth to make sure she would not stop breathing, and was never without oxygen. Did you grasp that? Even with all that trauma, bleeding and not being able to get to her first, she never lacked for oxygen. GOD sustains.
I am weak, swollen, very swollen, and sore, but God saved my life. He gave me life as an infant. He gave me eternal life as a young adult, and friends HE saved my life on Saturday and continues to sustain me moment by moment. The last few nights the horror of everything has robbed my sleep, but we are looking to God to continue to help and know that this earthly body just had more than it emotionally can handle. Today recounting what had happened moment by moment with my friend, being able to see the stable, leading, loving hand of God in and through each situation has brought more healing than I could have imagined. Sometimes others can see God working even when you cannot. And He saw fit to allow me the complete joy of seeing Him in all of the circumstances and for that I praise Him. Again through tears, this is more for me and for my emotional healing and help than for you all, but I would be wrong to not be open and honest, sharing what God has done, and what He alone continues to do. I cannot fully express the magnitude of blessing your prayers and concern for me have been. Only God can bless you adequately for them and I am asking Him now to do so in a way that I never could this side of heaven.
2Co 1:10 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;
Saturday was the day. Early Saturday morning was the scariest moment of my life and to be very honest, I am still having trouble sleeping at night, just remembering what took place, like some sort of post traumatic stress. As most of you know, hemorrhaging was always an issue with the complete placenta previa that I had and that is indeed what happened. As Joel mentioned, he ALWAYS stayed close to home for just such a purpose, and how God orchestrated things that morning is beyond us. Two things I knew: One, I KNEW that it was going to happen a few moments before it did. I even prayed and asked the Lord if it could be some other day because I had not slept well and was so tired. I told Him I did not think I could handle it being so exhausted! I rolled over in bed with my eyes still closed, just having spoken to Him in quiet prayer and then it happened. The other thing I knew was that God in his mercy allowed me to be in the right place at the right time. My sweet friend had had the SAME thing happen to her many years previous. She has many years experience in the medical field, she is calm under pressure and would know what to do when. I also knew that I would not have wanted Joel to have seen how awful it was. So those two things I knew.
To be honest not until today, talking with my friend again, did the Lord allow me to "see" how bad things really were that day. When the EMT arrived, I was lying on the floor in my own blood. Now for someone who has never had a similar circumstance this is just unimaginable, and I believe that now that the worst is behind me my emotions are "catching up" to what has happened to them. Blood was everywhere, and was not stopping. I had called Joel and my doctor and then lay there praying, waiting, and feeling this almost "auto pilot" experience of the Lord taking over and working. Again the Lord himself whispered to me early that morning that this was going to happen, so I was not surprised. Scared, yes, but I lay there thinking many things and one of them was that God knew.
Another amazing moment was when the nurses were coming in and out of my room prepping me for surgery, I prayed out loud, for the surgeon, for the anesthesiologist, and for God to be a very ready help in time of trouble. Scared, yes, but together..THIS was God and God alone. I looked at my friend and Joel and told them that they were going to "put me under" and I was alright with that. Just THEN the anesthesiologist came back into the room and told us that he was indeed going to use general anesthesia. GOD told me before he even decided and I KNEW. Joel and my friend were stunned.
Many many times I have wondered what it would be like to be wheeled into surgery, with the circumstances horrific and saying goodbye to Joel. NEVER did I dream it would be like what took place that morning. Remember, I am still actively bleeding which they cannot stop, I and scared yes, but supernaturally being led....yes LED by God. So far He has told me each coming step and with eyes of faith, I touched Joel's face and looked at him as seriously as I ever have and told him I KNEW I would be ok. God told me. I wasn't crying at all this whole time, not at the house, in the ambulance, or the hospital and now not being wheeled off to major surgery. I was trying to reassure Joel. I didn't want him to fear. God was working so mightily, that it wasn't until right before I was put under that I began to become emotional. Was God still there, yes very much so, and I closed my eyes and hung every ounce of faith I had on Him.
Recovery is all a blur for me, or was until this morning when I spoke with my friend who filled me in on what took place. She, again has worked in the medical field and with an EMT for a husband knows when things are looking pretty grim. She estimates that I lost about a gallon of blood and could not tell me how I looked without crying. She said my blood pressure was very close to going into shock and she said every hour she prayed for God himself to spare my life. Do you know how humbling that is to hear... to know? That people were praying for God to keep you on the earth, because they love you that much?? It is more than I can express in writing. Maybe if you come over I will cry for an hour and you might get the idea... Joel sat by my side, seeing me white as a ghost, barely able to speak, and fed me ice. He told me that one thing that was so interesting to him was that, while the doctors and nurses were taking care of me.....(a lot can be said here, but know that my uterus was not working properly because of the placenta coming first. It actually had to be cut through to get to the baby, and so my uterus was not contracting like it should have to slow blood loss down. This was the most excruciating pain I have ever had. Ever.) I would apologise to them. One time I grabbed a nurses hand because I was trying to stop her, only to apologise to her for doing so. THIS was the Lord working, this is something that can only be described by His presence.
The pain was excruciating. When I was able to eat for the first time, I noticed that I chipped my tooth and that my jaw was only able to open a little ways, because I had clenched it so tight in pain. And there was a time, in a dark corner room, when in pain I felt all alone. I out loud asked God, "Why are you so far from helping me???" I did feel alone. But I wasn't. And through my friend telling me that God Himself saved my life, I now know that though at that moment I could not "Feel" Him leading and guiding, He most certainly had and would certainly continue to watch over me.
Finally we met with the surgeon who described the surgery site as what a "gun shot wound" would look like. He also informed us that in a "normal" surgery he uses 2 boxes of sutures, or pre-made needles for stitches, and in my case he used 15. I was hearing and not believing. He also said that I would need more blood, and was not out of the woods. This was a very deep valley for me. I spoke very candidly to God, and let me tell you, that before I have spoken about getting things right with Him. Making amends where He leads, and friend when you are in this position, you will be glad you did. I searched my heart, and NOW the tears came. I asked Him where I might have displeased Him, and there was nothing. I then pleaded with Him, asking Him to allow me to get through this, frequently telling Him that I could not handle any more. Joel asked me if I wanted him to read to me from the Bible and in in doubtful spirit, wondering why God had indeed allowed things to happen this way, shook my head "no." He read anyway, and the words fell like water on dry and barren land, washing away any despair I had hidden in my heart. God knew I still loved Him, He knew I still trusted Him.
Alayna was thriving despite these terrible situations. She was given some chest compressions at birth to make sure she would not stop breathing, and was never without oxygen. Did you grasp that? Even with all that trauma, bleeding and not being able to get to her first, she never lacked for oxygen. GOD sustains.
I am weak, swollen, very swollen, and sore, but God saved my life. He gave me life as an infant. He gave me eternal life as a young adult, and friends HE saved my life on Saturday and continues to sustain me moment by moment. The last few nights the horror of everything has robbed my sleep, but we are looking to God to continue to help and know that this earthly body just had more than it emotionally can handle. Today recounting what had happened moment by moment with my friend, being able to see the stable, leading, loving hand of God in and through each situation has brought more healing than I could have imagined. Sometimes others can see God working even when you cannot. And He saw fit to allow me the complete joy of seeing Him in all of the circumstances and for that I praise Him. Again through tears, this is more for me and for my emotional healing and help than for you all, but I would be wrong to not be open and honest, sharing what God has done, and what He alone continues to do. I cannot fully express the magnitude of blessing your prayers and concern for me have been. Only God can bless you adequately for them and I am asking Him now to do so in a way that I never could this side of heaven.
2Co 1:10 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;
Sunday, June 28, 2009
More Developments
We are thankful for the progress so far for Deena and Alayna. The steps are so small at first that it can be discouraging. Deena had a good night but the doctors still think that she needs more blood. This hard for us but, we do believe it is the right thing to do. After all -- "the life of the flesh is in the blood." (Leviticus 17:11) Her counts have been decreasing throughout the last two tests taken and there is still the issue of bleeding. The Doctors have no other feeling that there will be trouble they are just taking precautions.
Deena is having to be on pain medicine that really knocks her out and it is very disappointing to her. She is receiving her third unit of blood right now and we pray that after four units, she will need no other.
Alayna is progressing also. They are going to remove the breathing tube today ,Lord willing, and then we will see what happens.
The hardest part about all this is that Deena, the one who has gone through all of this, is the last one to see the baby. I know that in the grand scheme, this will seem insignificant, but, It is sure hard right now for her.
Pray that the blood will be sufficient for the counts to come up and then stay up.
Pray that Alyana will do well breathing on her own.
Pray that the Lord will be glorified in all that we do.
Already there has been one lady saved in the waiting room while Val and Mom were waiting to come see us.
Thank you again all who have prayed and helped. It really means so much during this time.
Joel
Deena is having to be on pain medicine that really knocks her out and it is very disappointing to her. She is receiving her third unit of blood right now and we pray that after four units, she will need no other.
Alayna is progressing also. They are going to remove the breathing tube today ,Lord willing, and then we will see what happens.
The hardest part about all this is that Deena, the one who has gone through all of this, is the last one to see the baby. I know that in the grand scheme, this will seem insignificant, but, It is sure hard right now for her.
Pray that the blood will be sufficient for the counts to come up and then stay up.
Pray that Alyana will do well breathing on her own.
Pray that the Lord will be glorified in all that we do.
Already there has been one lady saved in the waiting room while Val and Mom were waiting to come see us.
Thank you again all who have prayed and helped. It really means so much during this time.
Joel
Saturday, June 27, 2009
My Wife- My Hero
I sit here in St. E's next to my wife's bed as she recovers from major abdominal surgery. The doctor was amazed at how difficult the surgery was. And as I sit here, I think back at the last 7 weeks. It started out much like today except that I was not with her today. An early morning awakening that something was wrong and finding that there was indeed. She spent the next week in the Hospital and then came home on bed rest. During this time Deena had to give herself shots twice a day in the stomach. This was the first time that I really began to look at her as something of a hero. She was willing to stick herself ----willingly---knowingly---in her stomach!!!! This is something that would be difficult/ impossible for me. She was willing to do all this to keep her baby and herself safe for just a little longer. It was right around here when I started calling her my hero. From then on our friends and family (and some that were our friends before they started watching our kiddos!!) Began the task of encouraging us and helping us and praying for us in unimaginable ways. God has used these dear folks to simply overwhelm us with his love. We are so blessed.
I was very careful to be close to home so that I could get home at a moments notice. Up until last night when we carefully planned to leave her at a dear friends home over night so that I could take the boys camping and canoeing with other men from our church. We had a great night camping lots of fun and relaxation and devotions! Ironically, this morning at 5am I awoke in my tent to a call from my wife telling me that she called an ambulance and she was going in to the hospital. According to her friend this morning Deena was the picture of grace under pressure. Of course this was our worst fear, to wake up and need to be rushed to the hospital and have a emergency C- Section. But My hero was brave and God gave amazing Grace right when she needed it, right down to having general anesthesia. Needless to say, God knows and he will work his plan, however, I have yet to see why he waited until I was an hour away to bring this about! Dad jumped in the car with me and we made the hour trip in about 40 mins, not seeing any police along the way!!
At 7:21am our third daughter and 6th child was born to us, albeit, under less than perfect circumstances. Again, my Hero was the picture of grace and courage as she endured the post op pains and procedures.
God has certainly been good to give me such an unselfish hero!! Deena endured alot the last 7 weeks which culminated in this very hard day for her. She teaches me the virtue of setting yourself aside ( and doing it gracefully) for the good of someone else.
And we have a very beautiful daughter to prove it.
PS. I know that there have been many others who have gone through this and much worse. This gives me a new appreciation for what some folks have gone through.
ALAYNA RUTH ROYALTY
6-27-09
5lbs. 7 oz.
18 inches long
Praise the Lord!!!!!
I was very careful to be close to home so that I could get home at a moments notice. Up until last night when we carefully planned to leave her at a dear friends home over night so that I could take the boys camping and canoeing with other men from our church. We had a great night camping lots of fun and relaxation and devotions! Ironically, this morning at 5am I awoke in my tent to a call from my wife telling me that she called an ambulance and she was going in to the hospital. According to her friend this morning Deena was the picture of grace under pressure. Of course this was our worst fear, to wake up and need to be rushed to the hospital and have a emergency C- Section. But My hero was brave and God gave amazing Grace right when she needed it, right down to having general anesthesia. Needless to say, God knows and he will work his plan, however, I have yet to see why he waited until I was an hour away to bring this about! Dad jumped in the car with me and we made the hour trip in about 40 mins, not seeing any police along the way!!
At 7:21am our third daughter and 6th child was born to us, albeit, under less than perfect circumstances. Again, my Hero was the picture of grace and courage as she endured the post op pains and procedures.
God has certainly been good to give me such an unselfish hero!! Deena endured alot the last 7 weeks which culminated in this very hard day for her. She teaches me the virtue of setting yourself aside ( and doing it gracefully) for the good of someone else.
And we have a very beautiful daughter to prove it.
PS. I know that there have been many others who have gone through this and much worse. This gives me a new appreciation for what some folks have gone through.
ALAYNA RUTH ROYALTY
6-27-09
5lbs. 7 oz.
18 inches long
Praise the Lord!!!!!
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