SAFE !.......at home.

I am enjoying the last biscuit with strawberry-rhubarb sauce dripping off of it and reflecting on this past week that Joel and I had all to ourselves. I was able to attend Sunday school and the worship service so I am home-bound for church tonight doing what I usually do.....watch Cleveland Baptist's service online. (Thank you Janelle!) With it being Father's Day, and with the 32 week mark stretching right in front of me tomorrow, I was bound and quite determined to do something, anything for him. Abb and I decided to make some biscuits to go with the sauce a sweet friend gave us yesterday, and so we did! I will be so glad when this little one is in my arms and I am off the couch.....or blue chair!

This last week was really special in so many ways. Yes it was our 10th Anniversary, but it was the longest stretch of being "alone together" that we have had in literally 10 years! And what did we do with all that time???? We talked, and talked and then when we were finished we talked some more! Something that just breaks our hearts (Joel and I) is that couple's just don't talk....period. They become what we affectionately call, "business partners." They swap itineraries, meal times and call it an afternoon. Within the last two weeks, talking to two women I asked them, "Is there ever a time where you just talk with your spouse and enjoy their company, etc.?" And the response was, "No." Hmmm.....

We talked about the kids, what we need to work on, what is going well, where we would love to see God use them. We talked about the garden, the house we are looking at, a few passages of scripture we were each reading that week and had a thought on, and so on. And this week we realized that many couple's do not talk, or "hide" things one from the other, you know, the ACTUAL price of something you bought..... because they do not feel that they have a "safe" place with their spouse.

Isn't it humorous that when you are "dating" you come to the end of your courtship anticipating marriage and feeling like you know all there is to know about each other. NO ONE could know more than you know about them. You then spend the rest of your life learning more and more about them each day that passes. Before you are married, you can spill your heart out to this person, and they will spend countless hours listening to you explain the most tedious things, because they have and interest in you. You can share very personal feelings because you KNOW that they can be trusted and hence in all of this you have found a precious "safe spot" with them.

And then the years go ticking by, and you lose that "safe area" for some reason or another. Oh you have a conflict, a crisis and you are hurt, he is hurt, and you lose trust in them and stop "opening-up" like you used to. You are afraid of what they will say, afraid of judgement or criticism and decided to ask someone else instead. Now this is the same person that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and now you are enduring one another and not rejoicing with the one person on the whole earth that God has ordained for you to have a fellowship with like no other. Hmmmm.....

I have that safety with Joel. And we protect that with our lives here on Haywood. Sad to say, but I have seen that we wives are usually the ones who make our own bed and have to lie in it. We embarrass our husbands, look down on them, try to make them spiritual, and even disrespect them in many many ways. For instance, you are in the car, running late for that Summer party at so-and-so's house. You are unsure if he REALLY knows the way to get there. A short drive and then he turns around, another short distance and he is turning around in another gas station of all places. Yep, you do it. You ask him for heaven's sake to just stop and ask for directions, reminding him over and over that you are going to be late and you HATE being late. Sound realistic? It is. It has been me. You???

In reading a great book I noticed two errors in what I was doing in this scenario. I was a) questioning his judgement and skill, telling him in a very real way that I DID NOT TRUST HIM and needed to do this myself, and b) I was disrespecting his position and degrading him making him feel worthless.

Then in a few days we wonder why he just won't "talk" about anything. I think we build our own barriers and wonder why our husbands are not climbing over them to meet our emotional needs. We get angry and disrespect him more, build a higher barrier and eventually meet occasionally at the little window at the bottom of the wall to chat a few minutes before going to bed. You know, the only person you can change is yourself. No matter of belittling or asking, or telling or nagging will make your spouse into the perfect person you always dreamed they could be....like you for instance right? The more I work on me and allow God to chip off my rough edges, and the beam in my own eye, the speck in my husband's seems insignificant.

The second thing I asked two women recently was if they "ever had a time of reconciliation with their husband." You know, a time of complete forgiveness on both parts. Again an overwhelming, "No."

You look at us, our hilarious pictures in the park, kissing for our own photography, and you laugh. We did too! :-) You say, "Yeah yeah, you have been married a whopping 10 years?????" And you would be correct. But you know what??? We have a "safe spot," Joel and I.

Believe you me, we don't have it all together. Joel IS married to me remember? And Christ is to be at the center of this equation. Marriage is not to make you "happy," but to make you "holy," one preacher stated at our church, and he is dead right. I see some couples who are miserably tolerating each other at Denny's, at church, at the park. I want to just go over to them and say, "Is what you are doing right now in your relationship workin for ya? If not, why don't you find that "safe spot" again????"

I pray that God gives us many many many more wonderful years together. I am forever thankful for my husband taking a bus kid from the Cleveland suburbs and making her into a homemaker, and showing me the love that Christ has for his church.

Are you safe at home??


Pr 21:31 The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD.

Ten Hilarious, Fabulous, Blessed, Wonderful Years!

An apple a day..........keeps you humble.

Ps 89:33 Nevertheless my lovingkindness will I not utterly take from him, nor suffer my faithfulness to fail.


I am speechless watching my kids rush from the fridge to the couch where a mound of food is piled high and overflowing. Very rarely can I not find something to say. This is such a moment. And to explain this scene I must back up a bit.

This week has been a busy one. VBS began tonight and Joel has been running to and fro, with me at home helping in any way I can, cut out things, come up with craft ideas and make lists of things for him to run and get.....all the while knowing that I love VBS and that it is best for me to not go. I wish I could say I had a good attitude when my husband came home for lunch, but my excitement was waning for VBS and turning into resentment and pity. I listened to him, helped him and asked him for something I have been asking him for for literally days........ an apple.

I have had such a taste for a crisp cold apple. And Joel has had a zillion places to go and things to do and none of them involved apples, so it has fallen by the wayside. This afternoon, however I was feeling like my apple craving took precedence over VBS preparations, and possibly even the White House staff meeting at this point. So in a not so sweet wifey voice I demanded....er I mean asked once more for an apple. As I type this I am wondering if it was indeed an apple, a crisp, cool gala apple that caused all of this sin in the first place......I digress.

Joel whipped out the cell phone and before I could stop him he called my sweet friend and asked her if she would not mind picking me up some fruit and dropping it by. I was partly embarrassed that we could not get the silly fruit ourselves and even a little angry that he called someone and did not see the "importance" of getting it for me himself. So I waited for my friend to come, and come she did, with bags of fruit. There were bananas, apples, grapes, strawberries, a mango, peaches, nectarines, pears and even some kiwi!!! She was so sweet and washed me up some, cheerily talking to me as she did so and served me some up on a plate, hugged me and left. I was humbled that she would so willingly do that for me, and not just get what we had asked, but went so far above and beyond what we even thought of.

Joel leaves for VBS and I try to be happy. Try is the key word there. Anna and I were company for each other and we read books sang songs and even did a Bible word search "together." The hours seemed to drag, they kinda do that on bed rest. Joel came in the door with a "we had a blessed night" smile and I greeted him with a "glad you got to actually do something besides sit on the couch" half smirk. (Ok if you are so not human that you cannot relate to some honesty.....please catch some other blog! :)

Joel tried to encourage me but I honestly did not want encouraged. He tells me of two ladies from our church who asked at VBS if they could do something to be an encouragement to me. Joel mentions that we did need just a few items from the store that he just had not had the time to get, brown sugar to make oatmeal, and he mentioned that I liked.......yeah you guessed it apples. While we waited for her arrival, Joel read the Bible to us and a verse stood out to me. As he read the Psalms I just laid my head back and soaked it all in letting it wash all the self-absorbent out. The Psalms have such a cleansing affect for me. Then we got to the above mentioned verse , Ps 89:33 "Nevertheless my loving kindness will I not utterly take from him, nor suffer my faithfulness to fail." And the last few words kept ringing in my ears, "nor suffer my faithfulness to fail." The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, "I am still faithful. I AM still FAITHFUL." Yes you are faithful Lord, I replied, and I am ashamed of myself. Please forgive me for the way I behaved today. Then they pulled in. Right here I need to interject that I am an avid fan of Darlene Rose. I wish I had time to elaborate on her life and testimony, but to make a long story short, in a desperate time in her life, in a Japanese prison camp.....on death row, she asked God for one banana. (Has fruit always been our downfall??? Hmmm....) And then she began to tell Him all the reasons why He, the Creator of the universe could not even get her one solitary banana. You can guess what happened can't you? She received not one but close to one hundred bananas from a very unlikely source. This came to mind when they brought in bag after bag after bag filled to the brim with groceries. Eight bags to be exact. I began to cry, partly out of the realization of the money they had spent on us, but mainly.....mainly because I was ashamed. I was ashamed before the Lord, just as Darlene Rose was when the bananas kept coming.

To me, God's well of faithfulness had run dry and I was looking at trying my hand at digging another hole and looking to prosper myself. So many people have been SO kind, so compassionate, so self-sacrificing and I loose sight of all of that for a few measly apples. Yes friends, I was ashamed. I could only squeak out a sincere thanks, hug them as tight as I have ever hugged someone and bid them a good evening through mounds of tears.

Even now as Joel came over and relayed again how blessed we are and how overwhelmed he feels by their kindness, I can only nod, and cannot speak for the tears that readily fall. What these ladies, ladies who needed the money they so lavishly spent on us, did not know was that we had just ran out of milk, and bread and just about everything. Joel brought the bags close to the blue chair and unloaded them onto the couch just so that I could see each item. One child OO'ed and Ahh'ed over yogurt and held it as if it was a prized possession, another held up Popsicles, and yet another cereal. We stopped and thanked the Lord and though I wanted the kids to hear me audibly thank Him, I had to thank Him in my heart for the emotion that had overtaken me. Each child thanked God for their cherished item that meant a lot to them, ending with Anna thanking God for potatoes. You cannot manufacture moments like this. And seeing God open the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing is something a family does not soon forget.

I am humbled that the very God of heaven would think on me. Would put it on someone's heart to bless us in such a way in spite of myself. I am reminded of Ro 2:4 "Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?" God's faithfulness to us during this time, and through others cannot be fully expressed.

With an apple in hand, and a full heart I wish you a good evening.

Only Trust Him

Ps 42:5 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.

For a few days I have wanted to sit down and dictate this story I read in one of my fav magazines, Keepers at Home. I know, I know, you are thinking, "Hello, you are on BED REST! How can you NOT find time to post?" Well believe it or not, any place can me a ministry of encouragement, and from the couch, bed and blue chair, I have been able to talk to people on the phone, or send notes of cheer or thanks, and for each person who stops by, (and there are many sometimes!!) my hearts prayer is to send them away more blessed than the blessing they are seeking to bestow. So...... time will fly by and I always wonder, "Where did this day go?"

This story means so very much to me, and will to you if you have had moments in your life where you felt God was silent. Read and reflect and gather what you need to for the trial you are in.

Listen to an old and beautiful story of how one Christian dreamed that she saw three others in prayer. As they knelt the Master drew near to them. As He approached the first of the three, He bent over her in tenderness and grace with sweetest music.
Leaving her, He came to the next, but only placed His hand upon her bowed head and gave her one look of loving approval.
The third woman He passed almost abruptly without stopping for a word or glance. The woman in her dream said to herself. How greatly He must love the first one, to the second He gave his approval, but none of the special demonstrations of love He gave the first. The third must have grieved Him deeply, for he gave her no word at all and not even a passing look.
I wonder what she has done and why He make so much difference between them? As she tried to account for the action of her Lord, He Himself stood by her and said, "O woman! How wrongly hast thou interpreted me."
"The first kneeling woman needs all the weight of my tenderness and care to keep her feet in my narrow way. She needs my love, thought and help evey moment of the day. Without it she would fail.
"The second has stronger faith and deeper love, and I can trust her to trust me however things may go and whatever people do.
"The third whom I seemed not to take notice and even to neglect, has faith and love of the finest quality and her I am training by quick and drastic processes for the highest and holiest service. She knows Me so intimately and trusts Me so utterly that she is independent of words or looks or any outward intimation of My approval. She is not dismayed nor discouraged by any circumstances through which I arrange that she shall pass. She trusts Me when sense and reason and every finer instinct of the natural heart would rebel--because she knows that I am working in her for eternity and that what I do, though she knows not the explanation now, she will understand hereafter.
I am silent in My love because I love beyond the power of words to express, or human hearts to understand and also for your sake that you may learn to love and trust Me."


"Why are thou cast down, O.....soul? ......I shall yet praise Him".....even for His silence.

Call Back!

With a full heart I finally sit in the blue chair and begin to tell all you sweet friends what God has been doing in our hearts and home. Many of you already know that I am on partial bed rest with baby number 6, which we found out is a sweet baby girl!! I am having some complications and am prayerfully asking the Lord to allow me to carry this baby as close to full term as possible. The odds are against us, the ramifications of this up-coming surgery are great, but this is where the Lord desires to work His mightiest.

As you can imagine, fears can abound, despair, loneliness and the like. But God is sufficient. I wrap weeks of God's provision, workings, and mercy up in that statement. God is sufficient. When everything began to happen the Lord quietly gave me this verse: Ps 94:17 "Unless the LORD had been my help, my soul had almost dwelt in silence." Upon close inspection this verse takes on a greater meaning and comfort to me. So here is what some of the words mean, "Unless the (Creator of ALL) had been my (Help- as a mother succors her child) my (mind, emotions, will) had almost dwelt in (complete despair)." Isn't God good?

My heart is overflowing with gratitude for those who have brought meals, told me they are praying, sent me a box of "sunshine gifts" with the intent for me to open one gift per day, and have each taken turns watching my children allowing me to rest and Joel to get his work done, and us all meeting together again at dinner time to be together as a family. My church has rallied around us and encouraged us just as Aaron and Hur must have encouraged Moses, holding his arms up when they were weary. Only God can bless them adequately for their humble service, and we are asking Him to do just that.

With a lot of time on my hands I have had ample time to be with the Lord. Talk with Him, read my Bible, and allow the Holy Spirit to teach me some things. I am glad we gave the amount of children we would have to the Lord's doing, and have thought several times that if it were us who made this pregnancy happen, arranging things when WE thought WE wanted another child, then this whole circumstance would be in OUR hands. But we gave the Lord control of how many children we should have, and thus HE alone holds this situation and we can rest that He knows what He is doing in this. Ps 118:23 "This is the LORD’S doing; it is marvellous in our eyes." Isa 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.' We rest in this truth, Ps 72:18 "Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel, who only doeth wondrous things."

Again, God sustains. I cannot say that enough.

A poem I love God brought to my mind again and I want to share it with you. It never ceases to bring me to tears because it stirs something so deep in my heart, so real to me, and I wish I could have known the author to tell him or her just how much it has ministered to my spirit. It is found in one of my favorite books of all time, "Climbing," by Rosalind Goforth

Call Back!

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back--
'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;
And it, perchance, Faith's light is dim, because the oil is low,
Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;
Call back, and say he kept you when the forest's roots were torn;
That when the heavens thundered and the earthquake shook the hill,
He bore you up and held you where the very air was still.

O friend, call back and tell me, for I cannot see your face;
They say it glows with triumph, and your feet bound in the race;
But there are mists between us, and my spirit eyes are dim,
And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you'll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,
And if you'll say He saw you through the night's sin-darkened sky--
If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend call back--
'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

It did it again! I had to go back and make sure that my tears didn't make me miss a word or two. :) All of us are that "friend" to someone. We are the one that they look to, to see if God IS what He says He is, if he has given us victory. They need to see our faith strengthened to have the courage to go on. I pray that I will be able to be a good soldier through this and be able to bring glory to Him for all that happens.

Much love to you all!

A Bird's Eye View of my hilarious life...

I am up way too late missing my husband who is helping a man in our church get a side job done, and I got thinking of some of the hilarious moments my husband and I have shared.

One such memory involves a pine tree in our backyard. This tree is H.U.G.E. I cannot even guess at how huge it is. It is the biggest on our street towering over all of the other houses. Well, I was home and waiting on Joel and the kids and got the smart idea to climb that tree and make them all look for me when they arrived home.

I used to almost live in trees when I was younger so I used a ladder to get me to the nearest sturdy branch....see I told you it is huge, and kicked it over into the grass when I had reached my limb. With cell phone in hand I climbed and climbed and climbed over our barn and house. I found a good branch to rest on and dangle my feet just like I used to when I was little and enjoyed the view.

I will have the last laugh, I thought, and smiled a smile that can only be replicated by the Cheshire cat on Alice in Wonderland. I was having a time remembering days long gone by and how much fun I would have leaning back on a branch and watching the birds and wildflowers way off in the woods from my house growing up....when my memoirs were stunned by a noise.

A noise that didn't sound comforting. It was getting louder and louder and beginning to scare me half to death! It was a mother bird warning me that I was TOO close to her nest of babies.......and sure enough there was the nest. Right.over.my.head!

And here comes the Momma bird swooping in at me once, then twice, then again! I am batting this bird off with my phone, yelling at it trying to explain to this BIRD that I would not in a million years harm her kids and that I was too old and dumb to be climbing trees anyhow! (Did I ever mention that I tend to bare my soul when in an awkward or scary situation????) I called Joel and relayed the situation.

I was being attacked by a bird.....while in the pine tree...... at least 50 feet in the air~!

There was a pause.

Lo and behold here he came in the drive! The kids piled out of the car and began searching for me.....they couldn't even see me! I finally made my presence known, through shrieks at the bird, and they helped scare the bird long enough so I could shimmy down the tree to safety.

I think this still provokes laughter from my kids and husband and even makes me smile to think that I would want to climb a tree and hide from my family to make them look for me!

You know, I am glad I have a story like this one to remember with my kids. I am glad that I have inherent persnickety-ness that nothing, not even mounds of laundry can eliminate. I want my kids to have a good, fun, full life, with things to laugh at and remember.

The other day we went to Lowes to get some things and I finally remembered to get a new lamp shade for my lamp in the living room. Remember how awful and ripped it was?? Refer to previous posts if not. Well I got the "bright" idea to wear it home. Yes you heard me right, WEAR it home. Joel was driving and I in the front passenger seat WORE the lampshade all the ride home. The kids had a hoot watching the expressions from those parked next to us in traffic and even Joel doubled over a few times with uncontrollable laughter! It was great!

I love making memories. I love things like having one ten cent York Peppermint patty and trying to split it into 7 pieces so we all get a taste. I love having fun and realizing that my kids will not be little forever.

Well Hubby is home and I am off to bed finally!

Pride and the Perfect Pie Crust

Hello all,

I am typing on a Sunday afternoon, with fingers still sticky from getting last year's sweet corn out of freezer bags, thankful for my adorable Mary E apron which right now dons a LOT of flour, and await the arrival of the gang on the bus with Dad.

Not my usual time of writing and catching up with you all, but the Holy Spirit prompted and we all know I am trying to get better at listening to Him so here I sit.

This morning in the Nursery I had such a good chat with some sweet Ladies of my church. I seriously think I love them more and more each time I see them. We were laughing and discussing things we faced in the last week, particularly with our Sweeties, and our own selfish will. Which does not make a good mix if you haven't tried it yet... We really gleaned from each other, remembered that we all have sinful natures and decided to do better this week! Did I mention I just love these ladies???

Well, while I was getting dinner ready, Caleb asked me if I was making a pie. Hmmmmm...... that got me thinking. We DID just get some more frozen pie filling from Mom's freezer yesterday.......maybe I should whip one up. Ok so that wasn't the right way to describe making a pie......maybe work one up is better.

I mixed all of my ingredients up, got the filling out of OUR freezer, (pause in this post to remove splinter and console one of my kiddos who thought they were losing all of their blood.....) and commenced rolling out the pie dough. This is where I have to interject two thoughts. One, at our house Oh maybe a year ago we had an unwritten rule at our house that no one was allowed to speak in the house when Mom rolled out a pie crust. (Think I mentioned that a while back..) Humorous rule? Of course. Important? Unbelievably! Remember I have a 600 sq foot house and 5 kiddos in that space.......

Second, a question. Why don't you make homemade pies???? Why don't most people make homemade pies? We all know they taste a great deal better than store bought.....so......why not make them? Some might say, "I never learned how." And I refute that with the fact that 6 or so years ago our church for our Old Fashioned Sunday was going to have a pie contest and I was in charge of it (still am!) and I had NEVER made a pie. I went from Lady to Lady telling them that I was going to make my first ever pie and wanted them to join me for some old fashioned fun. I got the recipe, followed it explicitly, got to rolling out the crust and wept buckets of tears over it!!! Literally. I was mad, sad, depressed and discouraged all in 5 minutes time. Was it fun. No way Jose, but I did it and saying you don't know how is just poor excuse friend.

How about, they are too time consuming or too hard to make. Again, you make time for other things that your family enjoys..... can't get off that easy either.

I firmly believe that the main reason we do not make pies anymore is because we don't want them to look bad. We have this "Mile high apple pie" picture in our minds, with us in a pristine starched white ruffled apron holding the pie in front of our husbands as the children smile with delight and he gives us a look that says, "Honey you are the best!" Kinda like a really cute Norman Rockwell magazine cover. And then the reality of half our crust sticking to the rolling pin, flour just about everywhere, including our stained old apron hits us and we wonder why we even bothered in the first place. We dismiss our "Little House on the Prairie feel good moment," and say we must be crazy to do this sort of thing ever again!!!

We want our pie to look like the one at Giant Eagle and figure that if we can't get it to look like that, then it is worth the 9 dollars to get one and set it in front of our family. We forget somehow that a bad looking pie tastes just as good as a perfect looking pie, that making one at home cost a LOT less, and also that we are deciding not to teach our kids to make them because of our own pride. Yep that is it plain and simple. We are teaching those around us that if we cannot make something that looks perfect it is not worth our time. That seems like an unbelievably high standard to me. No one can attain perfection in any area. So should we stop doing just about everything??? I want my kids to learn to make something like a pie because it is a wonderful way to enjoy Sunday dinner, laugh at the crust sticking to the rolling pin, and thoroughly enjoy the fruits of their labors with a heaping scoop of ice cream.

So I was rolling out my crust and it was breaking and splitting and just before I grumbled I decided to allow the Holy Spirit to remind me of the conversation in the Nursery. Pride is such an ugly thing and not only kept me from being the wife I should have been last week, but almost.....almost, kept me from even a silly thing like making an apple pie to bless my family



I could have looked like this when my Husband and kids came home....




But instead I am thankful that the Lord showed me that pride and vanilla ice cream just don't go well together.



P.S. Just for fun I thought I might add this.... Remember that first pie I ever made, and just about threw away before it even made it to Old Fashioned Sunday??? Well it won first place! Yep, FIRST PLACE! And I held first place for 4 years straight! A sense of humor is a terrible thing to waste!